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   | The Olympia Times                                        issue g1-37 |
   | March 8, 1995                                                        |
   |                                                                      |
   |                                   "When small men cast long shadows, |
   | turn 37  186 players               the sun is going down."           |

Questions, comments, to play: info@pbm.com

Olympia PBEM

* * *

If the act of procreation were neither the outcome of a desire nor accompanied by feelings of pleasure, but a matter to be decided on the basis of purely rational considerations, is it likely the human race would still exist? Would each of us not rather have felt so much pity for the coming generation as to prefer to spare it the burden of existence, or at least not wish to take it upon himself to impose that burden upon it in cold blood?

For the world is Hell, and men are on the one hand the tormented souls and on the other the devils in it.

-- Schopenhauer

* * *

NOTE: Send orders to orders@g1.pbm.com, NOT to olympia@g1.pbm.com. Thanks.

Player-contributed press

Because of fear of unrest and a large influx of immigrants to a continent with low resources, visitors to Eastern Drucartan are asked to procure a visa before entering the area. ( We define Eastern Drucartan as the area of Drucartan that is east of the Uldim Pass).

If you want a visa, please send a message to John Sen[m6f], describing the nobles in the party, the size of the party, and the reason for visiting Eastern Drucartan. There is no fee, and requests will only be refused in rare ( i.e. I am bringing 2000 men to kill all nobles ) circumstances.

-- The Sen Clan [di4]

Now who's a silly billy then?

A nice new idea for trading without giving the identity of the trader! And on the last line the identity of the skill is replaced with @@@@.

But what's that I see? On the second line?

"Skill: Conceal identity of trader [9562]"

Sorry? Did I miss something? What's that number in the square brackets? I think somebody made a big boo-boo!!!

This message has been brought to you by Sarcasm International! ^_^

-- Draconian Elite [fg4]

[ Uh, no, the @@@@ is a replacement mechanism that Oly uses internally. I didn't bother to substitute it in the body of the lore sheet. If I hadn't wanted to tell you about the new skill, I just wouldn't have told you about it. -- GM ]

Congratulations are due to to the folks who finally ran down the AOO noble Ergonal. For those of you who missed the early days, Ergonal was one of the very first nobles to begin attacking others -- a veritable original bandit. He participated in the AOO's capture of my castle. He was captured last month in a battle in which his 102 men were all killed. The attackers lost only 14 men. In addition, the AOO's garrison of 111 men in the province will probably also be wiped out at the start of this month.

Vivat! Vivat! Vivat!

-- Oleg's Obstreperous Obtruders [iv9]


The Illustrated Man (s5e) is selling off a large body of pikemen for the ridiculously low price of 23 gold a head. Has he gone insane from the ink fumes? Who knows? Buy them before he comes back to his senses! If you don't -- your opponents may! Only in the Imperial City, only from the Illustrated Man.

-- The Midnight Carnival [nx2]



The Illustrated Man has been hard at work, cataloguing data from dozens of sources. The second edition of the Illustrated Man's maps contain literally hundreds of new provinces not seen in ANY previous mailing! It doesn't matter where you come from -- every continent on the map has new provinces added (exception: East Camaris. Is East Camaris empty, or do the inhabitants just want to give that impression so they'll get some company?)

Almost all the blank spots in Provinia are now filled. Lots of information about Drucartan, Krussos, Tollus, Ossicus, and West Camaris! New areas like Chardia, Allasus, Pesbrand, and Bayarth! Plus, for the first time, city names, and a new key to show city terrain type!

What are these maps? They are drawn in 7 colors, with graphical symbols representing all kinds of terrain and internal locations. They are available by surface mail only, upon payment to the Illustrated Man (s5e) in the Imperial City, or the supplying of new terrain information.

Prices: New customers -- 75 gold or 15 new provinces Repeat customers -- 35 gold or 10 new provinces Custom Sizing -- Add 100 gold to your order, and any two map squares. We will send you a map for the rectangle defined by those squares, in addition to the regular maps of Provinia and the world! Other special arrangements also available -- just ask.

Repeat customers will have orders expedited if they resend their surface addresses. Repeat customers who have prepaid can expect maps shipped within the week -- write if you've prepaid to verify.

This offer brought to you by...

The Midnight Carnival ___ ||||| /\ =====----`==== oo oo /\ /\

-- The Midnight Carnival [nx2]

+------------------------------------------------------------+ | ADVERTISEMENT ADVERTISEMENT ADVERTISEMENT ADVERTISEMENT AD | +------------------------------------------------------------+

Tired of remembering the code number for "Perform Common Tasks for Gold?" Ever lose valuable time because you inverted those pesky numbers in orders? Ever drop the wrong item? Nothing like issuing "drop 1 95" instead of "drop 95 1" to ruin your whole month! If this has ever happened to you, you need - DISPATCHomatic!

DISPATCHomatic is a Perl script which replaces English words with Olympia codes. DISPATCHomatic provides some syntax checking, and can also mail the orders automatically*!

What does all of this cost you? 500 gold? Less. 200 gold? No. DISPATCHomatic is ABSOLUTELY FREE.

Send email to Mandrake with five province reports not in the Atlas, and I'll send you the program. If you send a city report, or 10 province reports not in the atlas, I'll provide free automatic updates as I improve the program.

*DISPATCHomatic has only been tested on Un*x workstations. The Perl utility is required.

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-- Mandrake's Marauders [sj1]

Notice yak,yak,yak Branwen and surrounding areas of Allasus yak,yak,yak ct03-cv06 and cw03-cx05 yak,yak,yak contact Darrien Esterior [z8j]. Friendly visitors welcome yak,yak,yak unfriendly ones not yak,yak.

[Brought to you by the Society for Shorter Land Claim Announcements.]

-- Gonthorian Adventurers [so9]

Other than the slow movement in the swamps our travel is affected very little by our location. Monsters do not seem to be any worse here. We cannot recruit, but there is no need to do so. We will explore and perhaps something new will be found.

-- Seekers of Knowledge [tt4]

----------------------- S. CAMARIS Update -----------------------

Would-be visitors to our shores are once again reminded to please talk with us first, to avoid misunderstandings and senseless bloodshed. (We want only sensible bloodshed!)

-- Compte du S. Camaris [b4q]

-- The Crazy Quilters [vn7]


Questions and Answers

What is the Land Claim Log? The Land Claim Log is a listing of claimed lands which is published by the Pilgrims Aid Society. Because we depend upon contributions, the Log in not always up to date or accurate. The latest version is #4.

Where can I get the Log? The log is available from the Fantasy Games library of the PBMGAMES forum on CompuServe. It is also available from ftp sight ftp.erg.sri.com, in the directory: /pub/pbm/olympia as PAS.claimlog.X where X is the turn of the last update. I can also send I copy directly to you if you can not get it from one of these sources.

Why is the Log published? Even though it is not the final word in land claims, the log will give you an idea of who is in a general area and the restrictions, if any, in that area. It is easier (I hope) to look through the log than wade through 35+ issues of the Olympia Times searching for claims.

Does the Pilgrims Aid Society give out free condoms? No, that was an error, while Uncle Akmall promotes safe sex, he believes that sex should be limited to the members of ones own harem.

Why do people post the same message in every issue of the Times? Only they know for certain. Repeat posters often don't have anything new to say, but want to be certain a new player doesn't miss their posting. I vary my posts every week to encourage people to read them.

-- Akmall Benhalla [p3p]

This is monthly notice if you wish to visit the environs of Cycarth and Redwine please be courteous enough to let m9l know (you can reach him at heyman@camis.stanford.edu. I do not currently plan to restrict access, but would like to know who is wandering around in my front yard. I would especially like to know if you plan on using any of the natural rsources (peasants, wood, and the like) in the provinces bt25 bt26 bt27 bu25 bu26 bu27 bv25 bv26 bv27 bw25 bw26 and bw27.

By order of Darkman, caretaker of Dark Castle

-- Dweezil [e5q]

A hostile raider is about to be stung really bad...

-- Tigris Ripclaw [b3f]

In spite of recent rumors North West Ossicus is far from empty. Please register yourself before entering.

-- Lothar [d4x]

************************************ * Apollo The Bard's Balladry Board * ************************************

The Lady of Shalott by Alfred, Lord Tennyson

All in the blue unclouded weather Thick-jewelled shone the saddle-leather, The helmet and the helmet-feather Burned like one burning flame together, As he rode down to Camelot. As often thro' the purple night, Below the starry clusters bright, Some bearded meteor, trailing light, Moves over still Shalott.

His broad clear brow in sunlight glowed; On burnished hooves his war-horse trode; From underneath his helmet flowed His coal-black curls as on he rode, As he rode down to Camelot. From the bank and from the river He flashed into the crystal mirror, `Tirra lirra,' by the river Sang Sir Lancelot.

She left the web, she left the loom She made three paces thro' the room, She saw the water-lily bloom, She saw the helmet and the plume, She looked down to Camelot. Out flew the web and floated wide; The mirror cracked from side to side; `The curse is come upon me,' cried The Lady of Shalott.

*********************** * continued next week * ***********************

-- Apollo [t2t]

Journal - Sunsear, Year 5

At last, we join another section of our scattered group!

The Lord of the Morning, The Dragon,

-- Lews Therin Telamon [m3m]

It may be slow building castles from deserts, but far far better late than never! And I'm just beginning to realize how late it's going to be!

-- Corlin Singer [n0i]


The Brotherhood of Ormos claims the city of Avalon [ao0k] and all lands and resources inside the boundary of [bp05]-[bp08]-[br06] -[br09] inclusive, as its sole and lawful demense. Those wishing to visit Ormos are required to request a visa and await clearance before attempting to make landfall. All unauthorized visitors are unwelcome and looked upon with extreme prejudice. Captains needing to make landfall at Avalon for emergency repairs will not be molested, but are still required to contact me for a visa.

-- Pelinore Dragonslayer [p4s]

Anyone wishing to discuss Impassable Mountains, please contact me.

-- Tim Finnegan [r9b]

And so the bold followers of the Red Lion move from the safety of the Imperial City out into the tamed wilds of Olympia. Now stronger in spirit as well as body and ready to meet any challenge. The fact that they are members of a large alliance also gives that little extra reassurance. Now to go where no friend has gone before....

-- Billy No-Mates [t9z]

Visitors are welcome to the area controlled by the Cohorts of Colossus [vo4], as long as they obtain travel permits first. Not all requests will be granted. The affected area includes the land provinces bounded by bx25 and bz27.

To avoid possible misunderstandings, do not enter this area without a permit.

-- Sheriff Pelenth of Gentlewind [f3i]


Anyone want to buy a ship? I am currently making ships in the imperial city. roundships galleys or galleys with rams all made to order. Here is a list of prices:

galley: 300 gold and 50 wood. or just 700 gold

ram 50 gold, one iron and three wood. or 75 gold and one iron or 90 gold and three wood or just 115 gold

roundship 400 gold and 100 wood. or 800 gold and 50 wood or just 1200 gold.

I will also consider barter, see me for details. -carioca@io.com *****************************

Need a healing spell cast? I'm in the forest just outside of the Imperial city contact me for details Carlota de Andarai` [r0h]

-- Carlota de Andarai' [r0h]


If they really are planning on attacking, I can only hope that they will have the common courtesy to announce their plans in the Olympia Times, as required by the Skrenta Convention. Or even just drop dark hints too late for me to react. ... Or at least brag about it afterwards.

IN NEED OF A GOOD HOME :- Once slightly battered ram. Previous owners badly neglected this poor creature by continuously hurling it against thick wooden doors. Enquiries to the AOO.

Dear Doubter,

Home is where the heart is. And home is exactly where I intend to take YOUR heart, as soon as I can spare the few minutes it will take me to do so. Now it's time for YOU to go home.

--- Squire Adam

When in darkness or in doubt, run in circles, scream, and shout.

Three cheers for the spirit of dogmatrix! The bloodsuckers have been sucked! Yahoo! Take that you big nasty brutish, icky, one-eyed one-eared, flying, purple, bad thing!

-a most jubilant vigilante -------------------------------received from pigeon---------- Summary: Ergonal in leg irons

It took over four years, but the noble who went on an attacking spree barely a month into Olympia has been captured. Now all we need is some rope and a nice big tree...

Darkwood [cd08], forest, in Provinia, wilderness ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 26: Impedimenta [e2v], with ten soldiers, 50 pikemen, arrived from the 26: north, accompanied by: 26: Angry peasant [cg7r], angry peasants, number: 25 26: Angry peasant [eo1x], angry peasants, number: 17 26: Raven the Silent [v3j], wielding golden dart [ep5e], with 26: 200 crossbowmen 27: Impedimenta [e2v] attacks Ergonal [y6s]! 27: 27: Impedimenta [e2v], with ten soldiers, 50 pikemen, accompanied by: 27: Angry peasant [cg7r], angry peasants, number: 25 27: Angry peasant [eo1x], angry peasants, number: 17 27: Raven the Silent [v3j], wielding golden dart [ep5e], behind 9, 27: with 200 crossbowmen 27: 27: Ergonal [y6s], with 15 peasants, one crossbowman, accompanied by: 27: Typhoon [s8p], behind 1, with 17 peasants, 69 crossbowmen 27: 27: Impedimenta [e2v] is victorious! 27: 27: Impedimenta lost five soldiers, three pikemen, six angry peasants. 27: 27: Ergonal lost 32 peasants, 70 crossbowmen. 27: Ergonal [y6s] was taken prisoner. 27: Typhoon [s8p] was taken prisoner. 27:

Province controlled by Chateau Olympique [s85], castle, in Mt. Olympus [bx22] Ruled by Marat [g3y], duke

Routes leaving Darkwood: North, forest, to Darkwood [cc08], 8 days East, forest, to Darkwood [cd09], 8 days South, forest, to Darkwood [ce08], 8 days West, forest, to Darkwood [cd07], 8 days

Seen here: Garrison [be0m], garrison, on guard, with 61 soldiers, 43 pikemen, seven swordsmen * Impedimenta [e2v], with five soldiers, 47 pikemen, accompanied by: Angry peasant [cg7r], angry peasants, number: 21 Angry peasant [eo1x], angry peasants, number: 15 Raven the Silent [v3j], wielding golden dart [ep5e], with 200 crossbowmen Ergonal [y6s], prisoner Typhoon [s8p], prisoner

Attention all coming to Ossicus! You are coming and you are many. We are hungry and we are many. You should keep sailing, unless you wish to explore the inside of our bellies! Remember, a friendly neighbor is one on another continent.

Ha Ha to all tyrants! That new skill means an inevitable rise in opium production! Prepare to have all your tax revenue stolen you greedy pigs! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!

In a related note, the IC will soon become the world's international clearinghouse for opium. If you want to be rich, collect some opium, & then send it to the IC. Before too long someone will be ready to buy up all you can sell.

--a concerned drug dealer

A mucking huge force was seen in Western Provinia (by16) recently, indiscriminately attacking any nobles it came across. Literally hundreds of savages. Seven catapults -- is it after somebody's castle? Or is this more AOO sponsored banditry? One thing's for certain - it's a dangerous time to travel without an escort!

drittsekk, n. a person whose skull contains excrement. As used by Norwegian diplomats to describe British Cabinet ministers. [20th c.: orig. unkn.]

Does anyone know when the next fund-raising drive for the Young Man's Reformed-Cultists- of-the-Ichor-God-Bel-Shanharoth Association is going to be?

Clifford knows where ROSE PERFUME can be sold. So try Clifford's City Market Database: 92 city market reports, including where YOU can sell rose perfume. Send in a city market report not yet in the database and you will receive a report each week on the commodity of your choice, with the rose perfume commodity report thrown in for free. For further info, write to w4t@g1.pbm.com.

The hidden alleys of the Imperial City are an ugly place, quite a different look than the polished storefronts and swept streets of Imperial Blvd. Far from the sight of the rulers, only the dregs of humanity are found dwelling among the filth and the sewer rats. Its inhabitants, peastants too sickly to find usefull work, human flotsam, the odd noble asleep amongst smashed rum bottles. It is this ugly breeding ground from which new powers will emerge, and the fleeing nobles of liquidated factions will sink.

The wide-open northern spaces are looking more and more attractive. Provinians! You have nothing to lose but the constant fear of being killed! Emigrate now!

Notorious Nattering Newbie Negator Nabbed =========================================

The long and bloody career of one of Olympia's most notorious outlaws came to an end a few days ago. Ergonal of the Servants of the Art is in leg irons and awaiting execution by lana bark injection early this month along with his accomplice Typhoon. Ergonal will be subsequently hanged, shot and burned just to make sure. Olympia Times faithful will recall the many accounts of Ergonal's unprovoked attacks on new factions (see Times #6, #11, #19, #27, etc...) and many calls for his death have been raised all over Provinia. Finally, justice will be served.

The two bandits were spotted several months ago skulking around the Northern Shadowglades swamps and were closely monitored during their long slog northwest into the Darkwood forests. While there was never any risk to western landholders, a group of concerned citizens decided to move quickly to eliminate the threat to peaceful travellers in the western lands. The early morning raid on the bandit camp proved to be even more successful than anyone had hoped due to the entire bandit front-line refusing to fight. Apparently this refusal was at the insistence of Duke Marat, well-known as a bandit sympathizer of the first cloth. 70 AOO crossbowmen were killed along with 32 fresh recruits. Both leaders were taken alive although half-dead from combat injuries. Over 1400 gold and 50 crossbows were seized as evidence of Ergonal's intentions to continue the buildup of his bandit army. The seized goods will replace tenfold the token losses suffered by the posse. The remaining 111 AOO troops, who have formed up into a garrison and continue to pledge allegience to Marat, will be put to death immediately prior to the double execution of their leaders.

When reached for comment in his Mt. Olympus stronghold, Bastrestric ther Archymonaged pleaded "It was all Typhoon's idea, let poor Ergonal go!" However, when questioned by western authorities, Typhoon claimed he was just travelling with the group for safety. Texas Ranger Gus McCrae opined that "nobles who stack with outlaws hang with outlaws" and that "we hate to kill a nice young feller, but it's the code of the west." Capt. McCrae was politely reminded that the alpha test is over and please to mind his own damned business.

The Council of the Eumenides

verse 3: Dragonslicer, Dragonslicer, how d'you slay? Reaching for the heart in behind the scales. Dragonslicer, Draggonslicer, where do you stay? In the belly of the giant that my blade impales. Fred Saberhagen The Complete Book of Swords

My fears were justified, but my assumptions were wrong. They were indeed my companions. An evil force had taken over their minds. I was able to free them with an amulet that I had found on my island prison. We are now off to build our mighty keep and live in peace with our neighbors.

Imperial City (OP) - Having cleared Imperial City of every small furry animal in sight, a gang of strange men have taken to using hallucinogenic drugs to quell their lust. Recently, they have been causing riots in Imperial City. The most recent fad is a drug called "Miyukia", known to cause hallucinations of a red haired asian women with little or no clothing. The drug is named after Miyuki, who is neither red-haired nor in Imperial City any longer but is apparently the only asian woman the men have ever heard of. A recent gathering of these men resulted in a near riot at what they called the "Miyuki-o-Rama-Thon". Imperial City guards are investigating the incident after receiving numerous complaints. This drug replaces earlier experimental hallucinogenic/aphrodesiac combinations called "Oleg 7" and "Maratasy" which caused uncontrolled fantasies of the famous peasant and tyrant. The men soon found these hallucinations to be less than what they had hoped for and moved on to other substances. It was once thought that these men were driven by a shortage of gullible women in Imperial City but other theories have surfaced. One Imperial University researcher has suggested that the illicit drug market may be driven by pot makers who are using the drugs as an incentive to move their products. Another suggests that perhaps the shortage of opium in the Imperial City region is causing widescale withdrawal attacks. Whatever the cause, the Emperor is looking into tighter drug controls in the near future.

There be trouble a' brewin'; best to hoist anchor and head for Zercia.

At last I have an elfstone! Now I can go to faery and meet those charming and lovely elven maidens. Of course I need to watch out for their brothers!

How much longer shall the inhabitants of this realm suffer under the oppressive thumb of the AOO? Surely if we band together we can take them! United we are strong, divided we are weak. Every turn we work to make them more powerful, when shall we work for ourselves and reap the benefits?

whoa! back from the dead! Almost a year gone, my body feels like sh*t, worms are still crawling out of my skin, & the memory of the torments of hell will stay with me forever. & those torments have given me but one purpose now: KILL! SLAUGHTER! DRINK BLOOD! Only one thing is now good in life: TO CRUSH YOUR ENEMIES, SEE THEM DRIVEN BEFORE YOU, & HEAR THE LAMENTATIONS OF THE WOMEN! THAT IS GOOD!

okay, at least I hope I can make it to the ship without being eaten by rats.

Captain Trocero, I'm awfully sorry that I haven't paid you yet, but every time I try I'm told that you're not a character. Please don't sew my eyes shut like you did to the last guy to stiff you. And you might consider dropping me email to tell me what I'm doing wrong.

And if you don't know who this is from, then I was a fool to try and pay you in the first place.

Seen in the Atnos Channel: The Bounty [ba3j], roundship, 13% loaded, 8% damaged, arrived from Ocean [bf13], owner: Mutiny [l6x], with 30 pirates

Everyone is talking of the wave of mass nausea that is sweeping the land. Many people - nobles, soldiers and fair maidens alike have been spotted gagging as they read verse after verse of the putrid poetry pouring forth from the pages of the Times. Sales of Gravol have gone the roof; new trade routes may open soon.

The Liberty Confederation wonders what contraption a light-bulb is. Light from the heavens surrounds them and illuminates their Glorious deeds. No cheap sorcery or tulips needed.

Q: How many AOO members does it take to change a light bulb? A: This means war, where's your castle?

About skill proficiency-My magic user takes only six days to complete Perform Common Tasks For Gold. He is a Master of the skill.

A swirling mass of colour grows above the Imperial City, slowly expanding, swirling faster and faster. A black void appears in the centre as the mailstorm continues to grow. The sun is eclipsed by this shimmering mass of colour, and from within the depths of the central black void a deep and resounding voice is heard: "BEWARE THE TIME OF CHAOS IS NIGH!" All at once the shimmering mailstorm disappears leaving all confused as the light of the sun returns temporarily blinding all.

Fellow magicians: I'm looking for a way to learn weathermagic. I'd appreciate any information on how to do this WITHOUT having to go to the Cloudlands. Contact Dulcimer [t3c] for information about possible remuneration.

Eyes peer skyward, outward. Roiling darkness gathers fringes of the landscape; Breaths caught in expectation. Finally, a chilling screetch of rusted metal as time grinds on...

Oops, missed a turn, wonder what happened. More of the same AOO slagging everyone off, and receiving the same in kind. Boring!

Announcing the opening of H E R O B U R G E R S

If you are what you you eat. Then a lean mean fighting hero needs to eat a lean mean fighting food. Thats why Hero Burgers are made from cattle that run 10 leagues, and are taught swordplay for an hour every day. Our cattle are in such a fighting trim that our butchers get hazardous duty pay. So eat at Hero Burgers on Copper Monkey Road in the Imperial City

Hey Pel! Ya keeping your guard up, huh? You'd better! Maybe this turn we try again, or maybe next turn, or the turn after that ... See Ya Soon!

Q. How many AOO does it take to start a war? A. Three. One to make nice with the target, one to lead the assault, and one to deny accountability.

A notice for newcomers to Provinia. The resources in bx23 are being used at the direction of Duke Marat. Bellabane [o3z] Forester of the Wheel

* Market Survey: I am interested in the further profits of bounty hunting. Serious reward offers considered. Satisfactory payment procedures required. Please submit "serious offers". Killing off the AOO Castle Boss "Marat" for only 1000 gold is not serious. An OLD Book that teaches Necromancy, 10 Mithril, and 2000 gold is getting warm. Easier targets will command a smaller fee. I will contact you directly if I am willing to pursue your target. I am currently available. * Low Profile Bounty Hunters

Does raising a peasant mob/rallying it count as "using resources" in a province?

Yes, gaining proficiency in a skill improves speed. I have for example witnessed that being a journeyman in common magic means that it takes 6 days instead of seven.

Wide open plains with cloudy skies overhead. The AOO is drawing near.

Sounds like the AOO's having trouble keeping their empire together. he he he.

The travells of Sir Bold head the Brave. Today we landed on the new world of Ossicus. A fever of excitment ran through the camp, my travelling companions marshelled their troops and together we set off. Many days we travelled, and many strange things we saw. It seems there are many new creatures in this world, some cannot be destroyed by force of arms alone. A good job we've a powerfull mage to aid our cause. Soon we shall controll many provinces in this land, and banish these foul creatures to another plane of existance. For we are many and powefull, mone will stand in our way.


ORC HEAD STADIUM construction bids are open. Stadium to seat 5000. Minotaurs needed. Suppliers contact Jimmy 'the Nose' Graves for details.

TUT: Hi, Thales, whatcha doin'? THALES: I'm looking for those miscreants and enemies of the state, Hypatia and Anaximander. Hey, aren't you supposed to be guarding the castle? TUT: No, only until you came back. You came back so I left to go recruit some more peasants to our glorious cause. THALES: I didn't come back. TUT: Yes, you did. THALES: Didn't TUT: DID! THALES: DIDN'T! THALES: Er, who's that in the castle? HYPATIA (from ramparts): Hi, boys! Don't stop your fight on my account. I was really beginning to enjoy it. ANAXIMANDER: Me too.

Olympian Order of Miyuki Fans - Update (OOMF-U)

An observant muse has suggested that Alfred Lord Tennyson's ongoing epic, The Lady of Shalott, presented monthly by Apollo The Bard, is really an Ode to Miyuki! Remember it was "Big Al" Tennyson who penned a steamy love sonnet to Miyuki when she first arrived in Imperial City a few years ago. Is Big Al once again pining away for the fjords of the "fair and fetching" Miyuki? Well, we don't know but we can't blame him, knowing our irresistible Miyuki as we do. But where does that leave the ever-faithful-but-not-too-bright Kovaq'nu?

We urge Big Al to pursue with all due diligence the affections, and whatever other body parts he can grab, of the marvelous Miyuki. Bravo Big Al!

In Other Miyuki News -

After tracing last month's feather vs. chicken quote to the tome "Miyuki Speaks", Volume 2 "Fun With Small Animals", the planning committee is reminded to round up an extra supply of hens for next years miyuki-o-rama-thon.

Rumors -

Speculation persists that a major toy company is planning to release an anatomically correct "Malibu Miyuki" doll this summer. At 1/4 scale it's said to have soft, scented, supple skin and "all the right parts in all the right places". Trade representatives for various diminutive races on Olympia are frantically searching for suppliers.

That's all for now fans, look for more Miyuki madness next month!

Ahoy Mateys,

Here's some free advice to all those embarking on their first lengthy ocean voyage. Even if you've already decided on the mix of skills you want for your faction, have each noble learn an extra "main" skill like Combat, Gatecraft or Beastmastery.

Don't waste time studying the sub-skills in town before you leave because once you know a main skill, you can study, and more importantly for the skills mentioned above, you can USE some of the sub-skills while on board ship.

For example if you learn Combat in town, you can learn Swordplay aboard ship and then issue the USE 9580 order over and over throughout the whole voyage to practice and increase your Swordplay Skill.

For Gatecraft learn Detect Gates & for Beastmastery learn Bird Spy.

This may not sound very exciting but at least you'll have something useful to do besides fish and stare off into space for months on end!

--- Barnacle Butt the Sailor