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   | The Olympia Times                                        issue g1-60 |
   | August 16, 1995                                                      |
   |                                                                      |
   | turn 60  179 players                                                 |

Questions, comments, to play: info@pbm.com

Olympia PBEM

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Player-contributed press


Visitors to DRUCARTAN are asked to procure a visa before entering the area. Drucartan is a very peacefull continent, where AOO and non AOO factions live in peace and harmony. No noble has ever been attacked in Drucartan by another noble.

If you want a visa, please send a message to Karl Sen[y9n], describing the nobles in the party, the size of the party, and the reason for visiting Drucartan. There is no fee, and requests will only be refused in rare ( i.e. I am bringing 2000 men (or dragons) to kill all nobles ) circumstances.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------- Re: Query About Harsh Immigration Laws Imposed By Harsh Factions

Harsh ???? You obviously haven't been the target of an aura blast recently. Perhaps that can be corrected.

> I am seeking a visa for Drucartan from the Sen Clan. I realize > this may be difficult for John Sen to grant, especially given that > I am coming with 2000 troops/dragons to kill all his nobles.

I am sorry to inform you that I need to know your name before I can grant your visa. mpires are built on red tape you know.

> But John, what I really need to know is, what happens if you deny > me a visa, and I enter Drucartan illegally and kill all your > nobles anyway?

Feel free to give it a try. You obviously don't know what you are talking about.

> Would you deport me? I would sell your body to the highest bidder, so that your various body parts can help others.

-- The Sen Clan [di4]


Now up for auction in the IC: one scroll of Weathermagic! The standing price is 600 gold.

Maps are available! Get yours today from the Illustrated Man [s5e] in the Imperial City! If you're a new player, only 75 gold plus your surface mail address for all the info known about Provinia and the world! For experienced players, ask about a blow-up of your area!

-- The Midnight Carnival [nx2]

---------------------- S. CAMARIS Update ----------------------

Monthly notice: any new visitors to our fair isle should notify us in advance.

-- The Crazy Quilters [vn7]

Though the body of poor little Dogmatix has died and even been laid to rest twice so far, his spirit (and for that matter his NP) has never died and continues to fight tyranny wherever it rears its ugly head. Dispair not! Fight on!

-- The Indomitable Gauls [wk7]

Greetings Fellow Olympiads!

The Liberty Confederacy rules Northwest Ossicus. Peaceful, law-abiding travelers are welcome. Bandits, pirates, & their associates are advised to avoid the area for their own protection. Investors of any kind (merchants, inn-keepers, temple-builders, tower owners, miners, etc.) are especially welcome to civilize this untamed land. Travelers wishing to exploit the resources of these lands should contact us so we don't have harvesting conflicts. Unapproved harvesting is frowned upon.

-- General Norc [z1a]

'Some kings said it was daft to build a castle in a swamp, but I build it anyway, just to show 'em! and it sank into the swamp... Then I build a second one, that sank into the swamp... Then I build a third one, that fell over, burned down, and then sank into the swamp... But the fourht one stayed up, and that's what you're gonna get lad, the stongest castle in these isles!'

-- Marcos Deberislos [u2f]

This is monthly notice if you wish to visit the environs of Cycarth and Redwine please be courteous enough to let m9l know (you can reach him at heyman@camis.stanford.edu. I do not currently plan to restrict access, but would like to know who is wandering around in my front yard. I would especially like to know if you plan on using any of the natural rsources (peasants, wood, and the like) in the provinces bt25 bt26 bt27 bu25 bu26 bu27 bv25 bv26 bv27 bw25 bw26 and bw27.

-- Darkman [m9l]


Visitors are welcome to the area controlled by the Cohorts of Colossus [vo4], as long as they obtain travel permits first. Not all requests will be granted. The affected area includes the land provinces bx25-bx27, by24-by27, and bz27.

To avoid possible misunderstandings, do not enter this area without a permit, nor collect resources without express permission. Violators of this policy may be subject to arrest.

I only rarely refuse reasonable requests, and then only because I've already granted my quota.

This policy helps ensure the security of all nobles within these lands. If you are interested in a franchise on collecting resources in one of these provinces, please contact me. I have friendly arrangements with several factions along these lines.

-- Sheriff Pelenth of Gentlewind [f3i]

How do I learn how to breed beasts?

-- Pepe the Magnificent [x4h]

The Olympia Atlas is accepting contributions, and is available for download! Be the first to contribute information for unexplored lands (Faery).

In the tradition of Oleg's Map (tm), the Atlas is a compilation of geographical information useful for explorers, traders, and adventurers. Best of all, it's absolutely free!

To contribute to the Atlas, simply send turn excerpts (cut out all the incriminating parts) that contain the following information:

o) Mapping data (region & route info) o) City market reports o) City skills lists o) Inner locations

and send it to sx6@g1.pbm.com. We'll include it into the next version of the Atlas.

The Atlas is available by ftp from your nearest PBM ftp site (ftp.erg.sri.com in the USA, check the PBM FAQ for other sites), in the directory /pub/pbm/olympia, as atlas.X, where X is the turn of the last update.

The Atlas is also available on the PBMGames forum on CompuServe, in the fantasy games section, as atlas.oly.

Brought to you by the Skulking Vermin (sx6)

Note!! Due to Real-Life (tm) commitments, the Atlas will be appearing irregularly, as I have time to assemble contributions.

-- Sludge [x0o]

'They say there's a heaven, for those who will wait Some say it's better, but I say it ain't Better to laugh with sinners then cry with the saints The sinners are much more fun Only the good die young ' Billy Joel, Only the Good Die Young.

-- Aristides Gadetounilos [x7x]

___ ___ ___ / / ) / ) /___ /___/ /___/ / . _ _ /_ / )_ __ / / _ _ . __ . _ / / / _> / /___/(_>/ //< of / / (_)|// / // (_>

The First Bank of Provinia has offices in some of the major cities on the continent of Provinia. The FBoP offers the following facilities.

o Special offers for New Olympia Players. o Excellent Interest Rates on Bank Accounts. o A Fast and Efficient Courier Service. o Money Transfers. o Short and Long Term Loans. o Insurance Policies. o Pawn Broking Service.

Call in at your local branch for further details.

-- First Bank of Provinia [v0z]

Because of recent encursions into Alliance territory, I must take this time to remind everyone that the Alliance of the New Moon (ANM), in cooperation with the West Camaris Defense League (WCDL), claim authority over West Camaris. If you are planning on visiting or are looking for a place to settle, please contact us first. -- the Crimson Sage

-- Seline Fireflower [w0l]


While it may be true that the AOO does not actually control the Cloudlands, they control access to them, which amounts to much the same thing.

Marat must be deposed! Death to the tyrant!

The winds of change have an odd smell to them.

Does Lance seriously expect people to sell critters at those prices?

Has anyone bred any flying beasts with a large carrying capacity? What are they?

Noooobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our prime weapon is surprise; suprise and fear; our two prime weapons are fear, suprise, and a fanatical devotion to the Pope; Amongst our weaponry we find, surprise, and uh... We'll get back to you on this.

Has anyone else ever found an old book called the "Tome of the Archmage?" When I tried using it I got a message saying "Requires Advanced Sorcery Skill to use." Since I don't have advanced sorcery and don't foresee getting it anytime soon I'd be willing to sell this item. For obvious reasons, (sorry BTA), I'm going to keep my name and location secret for awhile. If you're interested, post your name and bid here. The bidding starts at 1,000 gold and a scroll of artifact construction.

Who's afraid of the AOO, the AOO, the AOO, Who's afraid of the AOO, the AOO, the AOO, Certainly not me.





(well, you get the idea)


-the upset & soon to be dangerous

Many go down to the world below, But few return to the sunlit lands.

Argh! I *hate* it when I don't notice that someone is at c0 loyalty!!!

I will not forget to HONOR my nobles. I will not forget to HONOR my nobles. I will not forget to HONOR my nobles. [93 repititions omitted to save bandwidth ] I will not forget to HONOR my nobles. I will not forget to HONOR my nobles. I will not forget to HONOR my nobles. I will not forget to HONOR my nobles.

Time to sharpen up that bribe noble skill... *sigh*

WARNING!! Newbies will be killed and eaten.

You know, dragons don't fly. The funniest thing I have seen yet is the force of dragons flying around on winged horses. Cool.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. 20 units lost in a single blow? MAFOC may have the might, but it appears that BtA has more brains than that whole ragged alliance combined...

Rich Skrenta is an AOO member.

Quoth the Sage, "Only a fool loves"

> I hear there has been famine and plague on Atnos and castles > stand emtpy. Is it true?

No, it is not true. This is happening in South Camaris, not Atnos.

The Travelling Salesman

"Why do some players hate newbies so much. You must have been a newby once."

Wrong, harpy-breath. We sprang full-grown from the mind of the Great Ghod Skren-Ta. And if ya gotta _ask_, ya ain't never gonna know...

"Is this all a joke or what?"

(fingering edges of sharp swords & axes:) Do you see us laughing? - A Public Service Announcement.

Is all this stuff about crossbreeding really possible?

Those that promise to deliver wood, speak with forked tongue .....

"Warning newbies. Its not that factions hate you, its more that you are a ready source for additional noble points, which are one of the few things that are hard to buy. The workers of the dark arts then do not dislike you, rather they covet you (or at least that part of you)."

> Why do some players hate newbies so much. You must have been > a newby once. Is this all a joke or what?

Of course it's a joke, really all newbies are invited to Rimmon for the next MAFOC Bring-a-Brain Bar-B-Q

The dark woods are quiet.

Can you breed oxen, or are they truly sterile?

Fools in Love, They think they're Heroes, 'Cause they get to feel more Pain. I say Fools in Love are Zeros, I should know... I should know because this fool is in love again.

From the latest Times:

Why do some players hate newbies so much. You must have been a newby once. Is this all a joke or what?

I've been around a little, and yes quite a bit of what you see in the rumors is a joke. Some of it is even funny, and some of it means something. But which is which, there's the trick.

I suggest that all you other experienced players lay-off Newbies! I want to kill them all myself!

Dear interested. Due to our own security needs we are unable to let other people 'join' us as such. We aim for a decentralized structure, as much to protect our selves, as to assure other people that we don't want to become a mega-allience to rule over them ourselves. We will be providing hints for things that _you_ can do. Things that we are doing already. If you hear of an outrage by a big allience and you can do something (even something little) about it, then do so. If you see an outrage and can't do anything about it, then post it in the times in case someone else can. Guardians of the Light.

So is MAFOC dead, or has BtA stuck a stick in a wasps' nest?

Why suffer from MAFOC and the AOO? Does Dogmatix really stick up for the little guy? I think not. The Guardians of the light message for the month is that the big alliences can only hit what they can see. Get Stealth and conceal self. Now go and do some damage. STOP PRESS: AOO worried. BtA mentions Guardians of the the Light on Internet!

What is it that made the AOO so powerful? They better than everyone else?

A lot of people in this country pooh-pooh Australian table wines. This is a pity, as many fine Australian wines appeal not only to the Australian palette, but also to the cognoscenti of Great Britain. "Black Stump Bordeaux" is rightly praised as a peppermint flavoured Burgundy, whilst a good "Sydney Syrup" can rank with any of the world's best sugary wines. "Chateau Bleu", too, has won many prizes; not least for its taste, and its lingering afterburn. "Old Smokey, 1968" has been compared favourably to a Welsh claret, whilst the Australian wino society thouroughly recommends a 1970 "Coq du Rod Laver", which, believe me, has a kick on it like a mule: 8 bottles of this, and you're really finished -- at the opening of the Sydney Bridge Club, they were fishing them out of the main sewers every

This is a bottle with a message in, and the message is BEWARE!. This is not a wine for drinking -- this is a wine for laying down and avoiding. Another good fighting wine is "Melbourne Old-and-Yellow", which is particularly heavy, and should be used only for hand-to-hand combat. Quite the reverse is true of "Chateau Chunder", which is an Appelachian controle, specially grown for those keen on regurgitation -- a fine wine which really opens up the sluices at both ends. Real emetic fans will also go for a "Hobart Muddy", and a prize winning "Cuiver Reserve Chateau Bottled Nuit San Wogga Wogga", which has a bouquet like an aborigine's armpit.

Hear ye, hear ye; Speak out against villany; Don't suffer from tyrancy; Put an end in infamity; For there is a hope in sight; Thats us, the Guardians of Light;

The Guardians of the Light, monthly advice for the month of Sunsear, of the year 8. Why did Robin Hood succeed against the Sherrif? Let's have a look. The sherrif had a castle and lots of well armed and armored men. Surely such a force should be able to crush a small bad of outlaws. Why did he fail? Because he could never find Robin or his band of men. GotL: HINT #1: Learn Stealth -The Guardians of the light.

How does one join the Guardians of the Light? Easy, find a large alliance and start chipping away at it. Just as you don't (and shouldn't) reveal your faction to us, we need to keep our own identities a secret. So, how can we be of assistance? Well, we will be posting a monthly selection of ideas on how to take on the big alliences. First edition this month! What better reason could you have for reading the times?

Anybody care to bet on how long it's going to take Dark Lord T'Plak and company to annoy somebody really powerful?

Vaguely Amused

Won't some of the successful players let the rest of us know what it takes to reach 1st place in the various categories? The data shared through the TIMES has been interesting, but the lack af data from top players still leaves some questions.


In a surprise press conference after the close of markets, Bastrestric ther Archymonaged, the CMO (Chief Magical Officer) of the Ancient and Honorable Order of Olympians, announced that his consortium has acquired MAFOC, the so-called Mighty Armed Forces Of Chaos.

With its continent-wide holdings, including several cities, castles, dozen of undead leaders, not to mention heavy arcane support and a warlike reputation, MAFOC had been considered virtually takeover proof. Even more stunning was the announcement that not only the core of MAFOC went over to the AOO, but all subsidiaries have taken AOO colors in a completely undamaged state.

The price for this transaction was not announced, but market insiders are convinced that it must have been enormous. However, a high-level source inside the AOO pegged it at exactly 15 soldiers. Upon further inquiry whether that constitutes the price per share, the source responded, "No, no, that was for all of it. And really, they only got one of them. The other 14 we just let go."

AOO shares are expected to open steeply up from its already stratospheric levels. All trading in MAFOC stock has been halted indefinitely.

Charng ! Becoming pirates has got to be your worst idea ever. After all who ever heard of cyclops pirates. And after trying it for a month. Id dare say there are good reasons why. First, This boat you "aquired". It seems like a fine longboat, but with the two of us sitting in it, It feels like and I bet it looks like an overloaded canoe. But even worse is that after covering AN eye with this friggen patch I can't see a thing.

Some appropriate quotes from THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY by Ambrose Bierce

DICTATOR, n. The chief of a nation that prefers that pestilence of despotism to the plague of anarchy.

DIPLOMACY, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country.

DISCUSSION, n. A method of confirming others in their errors.

DUTY, n. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.

EDUCATION, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.

EGOTIST, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man's choice.

more next time. . .

Last issue C.K. scribed:

> It is with some displeasure that I note the slackening of editorial >style in the Times. This is most apparent on the first page where we >are no longer treated with either an enlightening quote or a piece of >poetry.

Hear! Hear! Bring back that kulchurl stuff! To fill the gap we present the following jewel of wit and wisdom.

Ode to an Orc Oil Ice-Brew, by Lord John Keats of Provinia

"O, for a draught of vintage! that hath been Cool'd a long age in the deep-delved earth, Tasting of Flora and the country green, Dance, and Provencal song, and sunburnt mirth!"

"O for a beaker full of the warm South, Full of the true, the blushful Hippocrene, With beaded bubbles winking at the brim, And purple-stained mouth; That I might drink, and leave the world unseen, And with thee fade away into the forest dim."