[ This article appeared in volume 5 of the Letter of Dance. ]
by Master Avatar of Catsprey
For SCA dancers who commonly perform this early baroque dance. 1. If you are kidnapping and the victim refuses to yield, do you: A. Push them out of the way. B. Backoff but whine a lot. C. Politely withdraw. D. Draw your swift sword of death. 2. You are dancing Hole in the Wall and wish to keep dancing, and some sweet young thing tries to take you out of the dance, you can: A. Trip her as she goes by. B. Politely refuse to yield and continue dancing C. Draw your swift sword of death. 3. You are casting off and as you come to your partner, you find someone is attempting to take your place. How do you continue with the same partner? A. You must express your wish to your partner before the dance starts and he must be agreeable. B. Body slam her to the floor and continue on. C. Draw your swift sword of death 4. You're kidnapping and are rebuffed by a noble of the realm. You: A. Gracefully withdraw. B. Withdraw in a huff and whine that they aren't even dating so they are not a real couple anyway. C. Draw your swift sword of death with a reverance. 5. You're kidnapping and you see a couple who seem unfamiliar with the dance. You: A. Kidnap one out and she spends the rest of the dance wishing she knew what to do next. B. Leave them alone. C. Draw your swift sword of death. 6. You're doing Hole in the Wall and the music ends too early. You: A. Yell at the musicians from your position, "excuusssee me, it's not finished yet!!!" B. You quickly reverence, count your blessings and go to the next dance. C. Give the music principle another music thistle. D. Yank both his thistles and give him the swift sword of death. 7. You're dancing Hole in the wall and no one can hear the music because too many non-dancers are talking. You: A. Tell the belted circle to take it outside. B. Try twisting both thistles, maybe one is the volume switch. C. Stop the dance and relatively politely tell the hall to be more considerate and be quiet while the band is playing. D. Bring out the boom box and tell the musicians if they are nice, they can play along. E. Order the swift sword of death 8. You are doing Hole in the Wall and everyone is off count and ending each section 3 or 4 counts early. You: A. Throw a temper tantrum and scream, "the count is 12 or 6, 12 or 6!!!!!" B. Get a life, deal with it. C. Draw your swift sword of death. 9. You are about to announce that Hole in the Wall is going to be the next dance. You should also announce: A. Bribes are being taken by musicians to not play it. B. Kidnapping is not approved or welcomed by some and to politely withdraw if the victim refuses to be kidnapped. C. Swift sword of death rule enforced. 10. You're announcing Hole in the Wall is next. You also announce: A. Musicians are still taking bribes to not play it. B. No hold barred, anything goes kidnapping. C. 4 sets without kidnapping or (if enough are dancing - very rare) 2 separate lines -- one with kidnapping, one without kidnapping. D. Merchants at front of hall are selling swift swords of death. 11. You announce Hole in the Wall and some one yells, "it's not period!" You: A. Tell them to get a life, this is the most popular dance in the sca, it's been done for years and continue the dance. B. Cancel the whole ball because so much of what we do is not completely, authentically period. C. Find an attack Laurel and borrow his/her swift sword of death. 12. Hole in the wall is requested by musicians: A. Once a year B. Once a month C. Never D. Accompanied by the swift sword of death 13. You ask the music principle to play Hole in the Wall and he refuses. You: A. Breath a sigh of relief and ask him if he can play Strip the Willow, Trenchmore or Female Sailor instead. B. Offer him more money. C. You're in charge and he better be joking. You have a boombox in the car and he can be easily replaced. D. Use the boom box and recommend it for a music thistle. E. Yank both his thistles and give him the swift sword of death. 14. You're a musician and are asked to play Hole in the Wall. A. You draw your swift sword of death and self apply it. B. You oblige the dance principle with a (fake) smile and play as long as they want you to, knowing you work for them. C. You negotiate for another music thistle. D. You agree to play then play twice as fast. E. You agree to play then play 3 times as slow. F. Both d & e alternating. G. Use 2 different keys simultaneously. H. Give the dance principle the swift sword of death. 15. You announce Hole in the Wall is next and someone says, "No, let's do Heartsease." You announce: A. The musicians are taking bribes to play Heartsease. B. You're giving everyone the swift sword of death. If you answered "swift sword of death" 5 times or more, you sound like excellent knight or Laurel material. See your local Knight Marshal and Laurel or nearest mental health provider, whichever seems most appropriate.
Webbed (under protest) by Gregory Blount of Isenfir (Greg Lindahl)