+----------------------------------------------------------------------+ | The Olympia Times issue g2-88 | | October 20, 1998 | | | | turn 88 361 players http://www.pbm.com/ | +----------------------------------------------------------------------+
Questions, comments, to play: firstname.lastname@example.org
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Hear ye! Hear ye! Ships for sale....seek ye the Shipyard of the House of Aekinskald, Master Merchants. Send ye a courier to email@example.com The House be now an authorized agent for the BoRG Set yere scrying device to: http://members.tripod.com/~aekinskald/goods.html for a full price list an details.
-- House of Aekinskald [hj8]
Khazhad-dum is pleased to announce our membership in the Tanstaafl League. League laws shall apply here.
-- House of Aekinskald [hj8]
The Tanastagi are pleased to announce our membership in the Tanstaafl League. Visitors to the League must observe the following laws:
1. No attacking nobles. Defense is of course permitted. 2. No unauthorized construction. 3. No unauthorized resource collection. 4. No more than 20 men stacked together. 5. No unauthorized trade.
-- Tanstagi [kd5]
Ask your PGA Tour Pro! Today's mailbag item comes to us from an unidentified drunk. He writes:
"For the individual who calls himself the PGA, do you realize that many of us would like you to shut the hell up? Or I'm going to stuff that Orc dingis driver in your southern hemisphere!"
Well, that's quite a difficult question to answer! Since it is a toughie, we put your question to Arnold Palmer, a living legend on the tour needing no introduction. Arnie responded:
"What the heck is this? It looks like a two-part question, and yet it also reads like some sort of threat to do taxidermy on a golf club. I can't be bothered to deal with this. I've had more interesting things cut out of my prostate."
Strong words from the man they call the King. In an effort to get help for our correspondent, we passed the item along to Curtis Strange, two- time US Open Champion and part-time analyst for CBS sports. Unfortunately, he just scowled at it and handed it back to us. As a last try, we spoke with Mac O'Grady, part-time tour pro and teacher of many of golf's more free spirited players. In an effort to avoid a repeat of the previous two failed rejections, we simply told O'Grady that we had gotten an incoherent plea for help from someone who had apparently been badly abused as a child. Mac thought for a minute, and then said:
"It sounds like he's having problems working the ball on his long iron shots. There's no worse feeling than losing a handle on your ball flight when you've got 210, 220 yards to a protected pin placement. What I'd tell your friend is to let go a little. You can't want the shot _too_ much, or bad things happen. Keep your hands light on the club, swing freely, and concentrate on rhythm. All things flow from that."
We hope that helped! Remember, if you're having trouble with your game, or if you're simply hitting the Orc Oil Extract a little bit too hard to get rid of the memories of your youth when you were taken to the bus station in a goat suit for "rides", we're here to answer your questions. As always, for help with your game on an individual basis, contact your local PGA Tour Teaching Pro.
-- The PGA [mh8]
Greetings Olympians and a special hello to all Drassans.
If you are in the northwestern region of Olympia, please take a moment to look at our web household at: http://www.ip.pt/~ip231870/HoL.htm
It includes a map of the Kingdom of Cragstan and the surrounding area as well as important information for anyone wishing to visit our territory.
Live long and prosper, Lord Ralek Arkham Speaker for the House of Lords Kingdom of Cragstan
-- House of Lords [tq9]
One man stands for freedom! Much to the consternation of our detractors, We, the legendary UDB, escaped the traps laid for us by the loteks and their cowardly allies. At the end of a great leap outward we have found the peace and quiet we needed to rebuild and plan ways to exact our revenge.
I note that the lotek PR-department is busy these days. A leader of all men... Hm I wonder if they know. Well, at least they are not shy. Anyways, rest assured, your favourite backyard dog, The loud and obnoxious Mouth Of The South is back as the spokesperson for a free South. If you have a score to settle with the boasting invader let us know at our new adress firstname.lastname@example.org.
-- The undying banner [zh8]
Due to hostile elements from Southern Atnos who prefer to remain silent and do war upon us, the Greater Northern Atnos Traders hereby declare our lands closed to visitors. Any nobles entering our lands will be assumed hostile unless we hear otherwise.
As per Times #65, our land and that of our allies encompasses Northern Atnos, including row cf and everything north of it with the ocean defining our North, East, and West borders.
We consider this entire situation unfortunate and hope to have it cleared up shortly.
-- Zaltazar 
I was cleaning out the closet and found another dead body. This one is 5675. Please contact me to recover it or it goes out back in the compost pile.
-- Lord Foul 
I don't think that money can buy happiness, but I'd like a chance to know for sure.
-- Tiger IIth [s634]
Our Shipyards at Vernolt[j56] in br68 are pleased to announce the availabilty of the following To Build a Galley it will cost 420gp To Build a Roundship will cost 840gp To deliver the Galley will cost 90gp per month To deliver the Roundship will cost 50gp per month For an additional 50gp we will transfer the crew to you. So If you need a ship contact the guild today.
-- Bryan O'Neil, Ship Builder 
Announcing the formation of the Shire of Croyden, located on Cipheria south of TIBs from row 16 through row 25. Visitors are welcome, but notice would be appreciated. Laws in the realm are as follows: 1. No construction of castles. 2. No theft, selling of opium, summoning of savages or pillaging. 3. No attacking nobles or buildings, without obtaining a writ from the ruler of the Shire based on a crime having previously been committed. 4. Harvesting of resources, opening trade routes, construction of buildings, questing, etc. is permitted with prior notice to the ruler of the Shire, UNLESS you are a member of an alliance that places stricter limits on visitors. IF SO, those limits apply to your activities in the Shire of Croyden. 5. Nobles marching large armies through these lands MUST send prior notice.
-- William of Croyden [a274]
In need of more troops or a second flank? How about an armed escort through hostile wilderness or dangerous waters? Then contact "The Brotherhood of the Red God" (The BoRG), and for a modest fee we can send an escort by caravan on land or via ship in dangerous waters. In general we are swords for hire and for the right price, will attack almost any target. Please visit our web site at www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/1843/borg.html or contact us at email@example.com
May the Red God smile upon you
-- Wodan [d987]
Greetings from the Jackal Alliance!
The Jackal Alliance resides north-east of Port Aurnos between the noble Bandit Lords to our south and trustworthy TIBS to our north.
Rumor of war and controversy has been heard from both the Bandit Lords and TIBS. Jackal territory continues to enjoy peace having good relations with all of our neighbors. Anyone travelling through this region is encouraged to contact us information.
All nobles are welcome to travel freely throughout Jackal territory. Jackal claims rights to all resources and markets within our territory. We are happy to talk with anyone interested in settling in the region. We are always looking for new members or business partners.
-- Lomar 
Dirk had just arrived home when he received the message.
A tear threatened to trickle down his sea weathered face as he remembered the day that he sailed passed the very ship which held has brother captive.
It had been a year and a half since that fateful day. At the time Dirk did not know that he was just 3 days late when he arrived in the city of Trullion. The very city where Ronan had taken refuge from the battlefield which he had accidentally stumbled into. The armys were clashing like great titans. They lay waste to all that came before them. Even dragons were no match for such might.
The message outlined every detail of how Eric  "The Assassin" of Plato had attoned for his crimes.
Dirk hoped Eric's kin felt the same pain which Dirk himself had been feeling since he lost his brother.
Helping the Lords of the Crown in their fight had indeed been a wise decision and justice had been served, just as the Lady had promised.
Dirk let the message fall to the floor as he stripped himself of his belongings to begin a new life. He knew that he must move on.
A gust wind swept the message into the fire. Only the last line of the message was left.
"May the Red God have his soul, Heheheheheh"
5: > use 637 2359 11: Erik  belongs to faction Creepy Crawlers [tt7]. 12: > use 637 2359 18: Erik  belongs to faction Creepy Crawlers [tt7]. 19: > use 637 2359 25: Erik  has died. 25: Erik  unstacks from us. 25: dead body  died under torture.
-- Dirk the Dreaded [f417]
KILKILKILL MADDDOG DIE SLOW SKREMING IN PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ROLL U IN BROKEN BOTTELS AN SHAV UR AMINALS!!!!!!!!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! HAH!!!!!!
@}--}----- For the Lady.
I remain your humble servant, Douglas D. Zaster, esq.
Shadows come and shadows go, who they are no one knows. In this land you must beware of death, lest your next breath be your last. Alliances join for peace and strength, so most of them tell everyone else. Though many of them have agendas they keep unknown, if you do not trust them they often do not trust you. Feel the cold, feel the ice, freeze away the pain of the surrounding death. Searing words, the pen of flame, torch the truth, torch the shame. Who's to help or who's to blame? Turn it on, burn the pain.
3 _-/ \-_ _-- / \ --_ _-- / \ --_ _-- / \ --_ _-- / 3/3 \ --_ 4 ------------------------------ 10 \---__ / 12 \ __---/ \ --/__ __\-- / \ / ---__ __--- \ / \ / ___---___ \ / \/___--- ---___\/ 12 -------------- 11/11
Overheard near an Olympia Times newsstand: "Sir Codpiece is certainly full of himself." "He's sure full of something."
Dear PGA -- Why isn't there a golfing skill category? What kind of golf simulator is this Olympia thing supposed to be anyhow?!? -- Snappy Sixes
Without a doubt, The LotC are the scourge of Olympia. They have managed to cause the death of more Nobel's "both theirs and others" than any other force in Olympia. Except maybe death by Melting into the Ground. What !! You want proof !?Check their web site under KIA...
Take Heed - you shall be beaten like the rabid mongrel that you are.
A nat is surely squished by a storm.
Okay, that's it, you're history, Pond Scum. And you, off the Lily Pads.