+----------------------------------------------------------------------+ | The Olympia Times issue g2-86 | | October 6, 1998 | | | | turn 86 362 players http://www.pbm.com/ | +----------------------------------------------------------------------+
Questions, comments, to play: email@example.com
* * *
* * *
Greetings once again fellow Olympians from TIB Alliance. We have important and unfortunate news for all Olympians, but especially for those of us operating in the area NE of Drassa and SW of Greyfell.
We regret that we must report that a state of war is now considered to exist between TIB Alliance and "The Efficient Empire", faction yx4, lead by "Lord Bane". As has been documented in past posts to the Olympia Times, posts to the g2 player's list, and in private emails between the leaders of great nation-states of Olympia, TIB Alliance has been in a state of unease and watchfulness in relation to Lord Bane for the past 20- 30 turns. It now appears that our vigilance and preparation were well founded and prudent.
The Times is not the proper forum to air the dirty laundry of our conflict, but as always I am available directly should any group desire diplomatic contact. By way of justification for our current and future actions I will state here that Lord Bane has, in three separate incidents over the last 2 turns, attacked three nobles belonging to TIB and/or our regional allies. At least one of these nobles was flying a banner clearly stating his membership in TIB alliance. Further, after repeated warnings to halt his progress, Lord Bane did march a sizeable army consisting of 5 nobles and over 250 men including over 100 elite guard and 75 elite archers into a province containing a castle owned by one of our allies with apparent intent to lay siege or attack out- right this castle. Thankfully reinforcements from the standing TIB army were near enough to lend assistance to our ally and this attacking force has been easily destroyed. Should Lord Bane care to deny these charges I will gladly provide proof of my words.
This notice is an attempt to inform all regional Lords and Ladies of the areas that could become dangerous to travelers over the next several turns, and to dispel in advance any rumors that may spread.
This conflict has a very simple goal that we will gladly state up-front: The capture of all known nobles belonging to The Efficient Empire and the destruction of the castles "Lord Bane's Palace" [id# 8891] and "Hohenstein" [id# 9770]. We will not rest until these objectives are achieved.
All persons are warned that province bv47 and province bx48 will be the scenes of conflict on some scale in relatively short time. Also, the cities of Wistan and Aeltra within these provinces are known to house and protect several Bane nobles and will also be cleansed. TIB strongly urges all nobles not affiliated with Lord Bane to vacate these areas quickly. Be it also known that it is our intention to capture and raze the castles regardless of ownership at the time of our arrival. If you come upon a vacant castle, it would be wise to check the id# before entering and setting up residence.
This is not a war of conquest nor an invasion with intent to expand our borders. TIB will be taking and holding no lands as a result of this conflict, though we do claim rights to the spoils taken from our opponents. We suspect and understand that this will create a small void in land ownership in the area and understand that some enterprising young Lord may attempt to profit from our victories. To these profiteers I offer a word of warning. While TIB will be claiming no land or right of conquest, we cannot speak for our allies or other neighboring Lords. One of the disputes that has lead to this conflict is the decision of TIB to recognize certain lands as belonging to the Syr-Antin Kingdom, a recognition Lord Bane has refused to make. A portion of land currently garrisoned by Lord Bane's castles is the property of the Syr-Antin and will soon be garrisoned under their control. I would strongly urge any player looking to relocate in the area to contact TIB and other local landowners first.
And lastly, a word to any player or players that may be friend, partner or ally to Lord Bane. At this time we have quarrel with only "The Efficient Empire". We have seen no sign or evidence that any other faction is assisting them. If you are, we urge you to walk away now and distance yourself from Lord Bane. A state of war now exists and any noble or faction found to be aiding our enemy will be assumed to be declaring war upon TIB Alliance.
We have fair grievance with this enemy and the war we must now fight is just. TIB intends to conduct it as cleanly, efficiently and honorably as we have conducted ourselves to this point in Olympian history. It is our hope that the Lords and Ladies of Olympia also see our cause as just and support us in thought, prayer, and deed through this difficult time. May the Hand Keep and Protect You.
Eric the Seehawk Minister of Foreign Affairs Speaking for TIB Alliance
-- Lords of Hammerhill [gz2]
Hear ye! Hear ye! Ships for sale....seek ye the Shipyard of the House of Aekinskald, Master Merchants. Send ye a courier to firstname.lastname@example.org The House be now an authorized agent for the BoRG Set yere scrying device to: http://members.tripod.com/~aekinskald/goods.html for a full price list an details.
-- House of Aekinskald [hj8]
Just a reminder that The Gloved Hand still offers the cheapest and hightest quality merchandise in the Drassa area. Serving all your military needs, The Gloved Hand offers raw materials, weapons, and finished troops, all available in bulk. Contact email@example.com for prices and further information.
-- The Gloved Hand [kc6]
"Ask Your PGA Tour Pro!" There were no new questions in last month's _Times_, so we'll go back to the mailbag for this week's question. A concerned E.C. of Antresk, who plays to an eight handicap at the Links at Cloudlands, writes: "I am concerned about the new types of clubs that are coming on the market these days. Are they really 'revolutionary'? What is it about them that is really new or better? I'm talking specifically about the oversized clubs or the new mithril tri-metal fairway wood." A good question, and one that I'm sure concerns a lot of players out in our audience. We asked Fuzzy Zoeller to comment: "I don't know whether there's more goofballs making crazy clubs or more goofballs buying them. I suppose more are buying them, although I see barrels full of the damn things on discount in the pro shops I go into to shoplift golfballs. I've seen racks and racks of stuff sitting there looking for buyers. I remember the old days when we'd just go out into a forest, hack down a mallorn bush, and weave the tough, brittle branches around a rock until it formed a clubhead. There you had it- just go out and squeeze a peasant's still-beating heart over it to make the branches clinch down over the drying blood and you had a damn good driver. "Now, the things I've seen that they're trying to sell! I remember when one company came to me with something they were trying to sell. It was a driver that they called the 'Big Bastrestric.' I looked at it and I thought 'no way.' First of all, it was all crooked- bent and twisted like a lawyer's heart. Then, you look at the clubhead, and it's shaped like a skull. I figure you hit it with that thing, there's no telling where it'll go. But they tell me that Bill Glasson was testing it, and he found he could hit the ball anywhere he wanted on the globe, and make it stop on a dime. They asked me to try it out, but then I remembered: Glasson's just died. I said thanks but no thanks. "Now, as we all know, Bill just won the Hades Open last month, so that was my bad. You live and you learn. "That reminds me of a story: One time I was going to play Lee Trevino
for $10,000 on one hole- it was all that was left of the TPC at Yellowleaf, following the wars. Well, Lee walks up carrying this driver that had a head on it bigger than an Orc's dingus! I said to Lee, 'Hey, boy, what is it they teach you people, to come out on a respectable golf course with a golf club that looks like an Orc's dingus?' "Well, he looks back at me real cross and says, 'Looks like? Fuzz, that _is_ an Orc's dingus! It cost me $800 to have it made into a clubhead.' "I get all over him for wasting his money and falling in with the Orc dingus craze, and the dumb b*stard goes and drives the green on a par 4. "So, that's how come K-Mart is now carrying the Zoeller line of Orc dingus woods and irons. "Anyway, these mithril-enhanced clubs have all sorts of ridiculous claims made for them: +20y on the drive, +5 degrees for straightness. It's all hooey. Mithril's magic, but it's not aware. How does a club know where you want to hit it? It can't. You might as well use farrenstone in your putter, or tee up on a spiny root. It might help you if you believe in it. "There's only one way to dependably hit good, straight shots, and there's no shortcuts. Have your entire skeletal system removed and replaced with pretus bones. That's what I did." Every so often 'Ask Your PGA Tour Pro' will appear to answer selected questions about playing golf, or the game of golf in general. Remember, if you need individual help with your game, consult your local PGA teaching pro.
-- The PGA [mh8]
Greetings Olympians and a special hello to all Drassans.
If you are in the northwestern region of Olympia, please take a moment to look at our web household at: http://www.ip.pt/~ip231870/HoL.htm
It includes a map of the Kingdom of Cragstan and the surrounding area as well as important information for anyone wishing to visit our territory.
Live long and prosper, Lord Ralek Arkham Speaker for the House of Lords Kingdom of Cragstan
-- House of Lords [tq9]
Amazing slaughter on the High Seas!
For those on the sidelines, heroic Platonic forces last month did grand battle with the dreaded LotC fleet off shore of Rhonius. Although we lost a ship & many of our scurvey crew, we sent more of the LotC sea-dogs into the blue depths! & this month, by Crom, we shall send more down to their watery grave.
Remember Captain Arrr!
-- Creepy Crawlers [tt7]
In need of more troops or a second flank? How about an armed escort through hostile wilderness or dangerous waters? Then contact "The Brotherhood of the Red God" (The BoRG), and for a modest fee we can send an escort by caravan on land or via ship in dangerous waters. In general we are swords for hire and for the right price, will attack almost any target. Please visit our web site at www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/1843/borg.html or contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org
May the Red God smile upon you
-- Wodan [d987]
The smoke of battle slowly clears and the Syr-Antin and their allies survey the wreckage around them. Four enemy nobles have fallen and over 400 troops lost their lives this month in the desert and even though we won through......was it worth it. The once proud Elite Guard of Nosral the First litter the ground like discarded toys, an occasional pikeman, twisted and broken, lays alongside. Bodies pierced with numerous arrows, pinned to trees and hanging like a mockery of crusifixion. In another part of the battlefield is an even more disturbing scene. Where we released our beast into the fray there lies hundreds of torn bodies, most not recognizable as even being human. Here and there our beast still feast on the carcasses of the Elites horses and their handlers fight for control of these blood crazed animals.
With the battle behind us all that is left is to rebuild that which was broken. The Syr-Antin recall the nobles from all over the land and plan their next strategy, hoping beyond hope that this is the end of hostilities. We came to this land seeking only peace and a new life. Are both of these beyond our reach now. I now advise all factions that the Syr-Antin lands will closed until order is restored. Please avoid the area and if travel through my lands is essential then mail me at email@example.com and tell me your intentions. I have no wish to inconvenience anyone and hope to be able to welcome visitors back into my homeland as soon as possible.
Long life to all.
Lee The Brave.....Syr-Antin
-- Lee The Brave 
I must thank the Grey Mauser for the information. I lost track of some of these nobles.
-- Sir Codric 
Log of the 'Shenandoah' 3 Sunsear 11 CE Rook murmured in my presence that maps and landmarks are always named for captains and never mates. To humor him, I have decided to name the straights of several days ago The Straights of Rook. (Ed. note: AN21 and AN22) It will cheer the men, and Father Ocean knows they need cheer. It has been some three months since shore leave, and the fresh water runs low. The ale is lower.
Log of the 'Shenandoah' 22 Sunsear 11 CE Anchored today off a low and accessible shore. Rook commanded the gig with orders to replenish the barrels and reurn with red meat. His party returned mid-day with reports of men in armor ashore. They did not approach, but formed a ring around the party some 200 yards distant. I watched through the glass. Rook did not hunt, but hasted to fill the barrels and return. Wisely done, I believe. We immediately cast off and continued away from the setting sun. The days lengthen as we begin the northern summer.
-- Parran the Wanderer [k511]
Hear Ye, Hear Ye I am a peaceful merchant traveling west on a mission of exploration. For those of u who are wondering.
-- Andrew Keane [n501]
Re-elect Senator Batson D. Belfrey.
-- Tiger IIth [s634]
SNIP SNIP SNIP KIP KIP KIP TIB! TIB! TIB!
3 _-/ \-_ _-- / \ --_ _-- / \ --_ _-- / \ --_ _-- / 3/3 \ --_ 4 ------------------------------- 9 \---__ / 12 \ __---/ \ --/__ __\-- / \ / ---__ __--- \ / \ / ___---___ \ / \/___--- ---___\/ 12 -------------- 11/11
Spells known: 54/79 2nd
" Lord Mordeki, since you will kill anybody for a price... how much would it cost to kill yourself? Do me the favor before I get tired and decide to kill you myself!"
It's about time someone kicked Bane's butt !
1+1= 3 in my book. My book is the only one that counts.
Why are there essents rather than nothing?
My regards to Fafhrd and please try to spell your own name correct, Mouser.
Who has str 15, dex 19, con 17, int 16, wis 9 and cha 17 ? He also thinks he knows it all, but in truth he knows just enough to fear what he would know, if he knew it all. Don't get it ? Drop it, you never will, but neither will he.