+----------------------------------------------------------------------+ | The Olympia Times issue g2-24 | | July 29, 1997 | | | | turn 24 224 players http://www.pbm.com/ | +----------------------------------------------------------------------+
Questions, comments, to play: firstname.lastname@example.org
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For information on the TIBs alliance, operating in and around the starting city of Drassa, please goto: http://members.aol.com/seehawk42/tibs.htm Thank you, and good luck.
-- Lords of Hammerhill [gz2]
Swords for hire. Will raise army, caravan guard, Castles seiged,Provinces Garrisoned, what ever you need.Now operating out of Harn and Greyfell. *****Many Talents @ Your Diposal***** ******Your Gold, Services, or Rental Property***** *****For Our Blood and Sweat***** The Royal Knights of Olympia Cmdr. Morrigan the Relentless
-- The Lastday Reavers [ux8]
THE ILLUSTRATED MAN'S SMITHY, CURIO SHOP, & TATTOO PARLOR
THE RETURN OF THE STABLES!!! Horses are back, and the IM has them! Available for the low, low price of 45 gold, only in Yellowleaf, only from the Illustrated Man! Riding Horses : 45 gp, quantity 12
IRON & SWORDS!!! Your favorite tattooed guy now has the finest in steel weaponry available for the discriminating customer. Quantities are limited, so act now! Iron : 15 gp, quantity 5 Broadswords : 20 gp, quantity 15
HEALING POTIONS!!!! Sick and tired of paying through the nose for that contract loyalty? Running out of noble points for oaths? What you need is to rule your nobles by fear! An 84 point terrorize, immediately followed by a healing potion, will keep your man in fearful loyalty for the entire game! Terrorize your nobles in complete safety with The Illustrated Man's healing potions, at a mere 150 gp apiece. If you are concerned about safety, we now have a satisfied customer who will testify to a satisfactory transaction. Potions currently for sale: c108 d018 g666 (the potion of the beast)
The following items are also for sale at bargain basement prices:
Wood : 6 gp, quantity 30 Crossbows  & Pikes : 10 gp, quantity 8 PRICES SLASHED!!! Blast those monsters with ease, with the Illustrated Man's fine weapons!
At present the map offer is suspended. Hopefully it will be re-opened in a few turns once life settles down a bit.
-- The Illustrated Man 
Yvengi is a small, flat, wingless insect with sucking mouthparts, parasitic on the skin of man and some other mammals.
"All warfare is based on deception"
Guidelines for Evil Cultists - "How To Be A Cultist":
Recently, the Order of Evil Oly Overlords has noticed a regrettable decline in the availability and quality of fanatical henchmen, evil priests, and willing sacrificial victims. We wish to correct this growing problem by submitting the following general guidelines for Cultists.
1. Pick one faith and stay with it. Dilettantism is the mark of the amateur.
2. Avoid needless embarrassment. Practise the correct pronunciation of your deity's name in the privacy of your own room before chanting it in public. Flash cards are often helpful.
3. Never invoke anything bigger than your head.
4. Avoid all cabalistic jewelry over ten pounds in weight; it attracts unwelcome attention from tourists, policemen, various supernatural creatures, and can be downright dangerous during thunderstorms.
5. Citronella candles may not be used in rituals. We cannot stress this enough. Pastel-colored candles in the shape of cute animals are like beacons to the Powers of Darkness.
6. Always keep your kit with you: candles, chalk, incense, silver knife, Thuggee cord, service revolver, garlic, Yellow Sign, cabfare, condoms, and change.
7. NEVER be the cultist that goes to rough up the hero(es). Ransacking hotel rooms is probably safe, but going 'round to beat up the good guys is a sure route to the bottom of the Thames.
8. When a Black Mass goes awry, stay away from the Evil High Priest. Enraged demons always go for the pompous.
9. Don't gloat.
10. If you can't resist gloating, don't reveal your plans.
11. If you do gloat and reveal your plans, don't leave the hero(es) to die slowly. They don't.
12. If you gloat, reveal your plans, and leave the hero(es) to die slowly, don't have the audacity to look surprised when they turn up at the last moment to foil your evil plot.
13. The hero (or heroes) will always show up at the last possible moment to foil your plans. With this in mind, start half an hour early -- they really hate that.
14. Plan ahead by selecting ceremonial robes that are easy to run in while still affording ample concealment.
15. When a religious artifact begins emitting light, CLOSE YOUR EYES. Thousands of cultists could be saved every year if they'd just remember this simple safety tip.
16. When mutilating cattle, avoid the ones with testicles.
17. During ritual sacrificing, taking bits home "for later" is now generally considered bad form.
18. Blood tests are now required for all sacrificial victims before the ritual. The effects of HIV+ offerings on the average malefic deity have never been witnessed by anyone living, or even intact.
19. Contrary to historical belief, drugs and invocations do NOT mix. When the s**t comes down, it is vitally necessary to be able to discern between the gibbering monstrosity to throw the holy water on and the gibbering monstrosity that will fade away after a few hours, some B-complex, and a good hot bath.
20.. Never play strip Tarot.
21. Piety and belief are powerful things, and few forces in nature can stand against one who is true to his faith, his God, and his own soul. However, it is also true that the Gods tend to side with the heaviest artillery, so be prepared change sides at the drop of a hat.
22. For those situations where a fresh, living sacrifice is just not feasible (or even possible), the lower ranks of demons can be fooled by microwaving a previously-frozen chunk of ex-victim and cleverly jiggling it. However, a mock victim sculpted from "Spam"(tm) is right out.
Beware Sea Serpents Northwest of Greyfell
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( He appeared to me last night in my restless sleep of nightmare dreams. The ghostly teacher whom I have never met, only read of. He was standing in the center of a stone forum with pillars of fire, arms folded in his black robes. Around him circles three dragons, billowing fire at the demons frequently trying to attack my Master.
"You are my chosen vessel," he said in a soothing, clam voice. The demons shrieked and his image faded momentarily, but returned more clearly than before. "The world is losing it's path. Complacency is stalling the advance of Olympia's future. The followers of the lesser god Kygor are subverting the people. His followers are numerous, but their number can not overcome their foolishness.
"Eliminate the followers of Kygor."
Bewildered and confused I tried to take in all that was happening, but the surrounding demons and cries of the dead distracted me. "I know who you are but what is your name?" I asked.
"For now, you may call me Teacher." "Eliminate the followers of Kygor!"
The Student ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Save the Children Fund
How can you go one more day knowing children are going uneducated, Ill Clothed, and HUNGRY. While knowing that you have not done all that you could.
We at the Save the Children Fund have found a way that lets you truly give ALL of yourself to Save the Children.
Yes - if you donate yourself to Save the Children you will become a slave in one of our many enterprises and we will use part of the profits from that enterprise to help SAVE the CHILDREN.
So prove that you truly care for the children. Show that no cost is to great for you, if it benifits the children.
And if you cant give yourself, think of giving a friend. They will love you for it, because its for the Children.
Remember Give Yourself and SAVE the CHILDREN
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All donations are final. No Returns. We reserve the right to dispose of any slaves as we wish.