+----------------------------------------------------------------------+ | The Olympia Times issue g1-44 | | April 26, 1995 | | | | turn 44 190 players | +----------------------------------------------------------------------+
Questions, comments, to play: firstname.lastname@example.org
* * *
Because of fear of unrest and a large influx of immigrants to a continent with low resources, visitors to DRUCARTAN are asked to procure a visa before entering the area.
If you want a visa, please send a message to John Sen[m6f], describing the nobles in the party, the size of the party, and the reason for visiting Drucartan. There is no fee, and requests will only be refused in rare ( i.e. I am bringing 2000 men to kill all nobles ) circumstances.
-- The Sen Clan [di4]
All Olympia players in and around London, UK, are invited to attend the Monthly PBM meeting held at the Victoria and Albert Public House, Marylebone Station, on Friday 5th May from 7pm onwards. We, the Draconian Elite, will be there, as will a few others. All are welcome. You never know - I might just buy you a drink!! ^_^ (Look for the guy in the Sunglasses!)
-- Draconian Elite [fg4]
SHOP THE ILLUSTRATED MAN'S IMPERIAL EMPORIUM! * restocking to better serve our customers... *
Available next month -- wood: 10 gold crossbowmen: 25 gold pikemen: 25 gold crossbows: 15 gold pikes: 15 gold catapults: 90 gold Also, the Illustrated Man is buying! 1 winged horse: 500 gold! blank scrolls: 100 gold lana bark: 90 gold yew: 25 gold iron: 15 gold
Finally, while you're in our store, don't forget to pick up a map! Dozens of satisfied customers so far! Called "a thing of beauty," and a useful tool, to boot! Soon to come--the third edition. Order yours today! 75 gold or 15 provinces -- new customers 35 gold or 10 provinces -- repeat customers Also please mail surface address. Incidentally, We had a server crash and I lost some mail. If you placed an order and haven't heard from me, please let me know.
The Midnight Carnival ___ ||||| /\ =====---`=== oo oo /\ /\
-- The Midnight Carnival [nx2]
This last month we had a battle with some evil undead and achieved victory with little loss to our own party, but afterwards we were joined by a savage apparently impressed by our victory. Hopefully in time he will become a useful member of our group.
-- Seekers of Knowledge [tt4]
"There's something strange about those rats," Roscoe mused, "but I can't quite put my finger on it." "Beggin' your lordship's pardon, but what do y' want us to do?" "Why, we're attacking, of course." Stupid peasant. "You ten, stand firm and you'll lure the little buggers into my traps; the harpies and lizards will drive them from behind." When the dust settled, four of the peasants had died of rat bites, and unfortunately they had taken two of the rats with them. He made the rest his to command. One of the bolder rats begged to lead him to their treasure, and he followed eagerly. "M'lord, look at this!" "Great Atnerks!" The rats' lair contained over 200 manweights of soap ! "So that's what was so odd - the rats are clean!" Indeed, their fur shined so it nearly glowed. "It's unnatural," one of the peasants muttered. "They must be possessed!" another cried, and they fled in all directions, leaving Roscoe with his beasts and a small mountain of soap . Sitting down on a nearby crate, he asked the sky, "What the Hades am I to do with all this?", but as usual there was no answer.
-- The Smaller Horde [vg7]
---------------------- S. CAMARIS Update ----------------------
All three Camaris'es now have active castles and garrison efforts in place; travellers are advised to coordinate with the appropriate factions before venturing into these lands. In the case of South Camaris, for instance, contact us.
South Camaris itself remains at peace, as we move into the final phase of our garrisoning efforts. Ah, to be King!
-- Compte du S. Camaris [b4q]
-- The Crazy Quilters [vn7]
> I have always heard AOO stand for the Ancient Order of Olympians. As > for what they stand for - ask them - or Oleg depending on your point > of view.
Okay, I'll make an attempt at explaining who we are and what we're doing. Note that since I am a member of the AOO, this account will obviously differ substantially from that which you will obtain from Oleg, and of course one of the most fun parts of games like Olympia is making sense of the various claims, counterclaims and downright lies (interspersed with the occasional item of objective reporting) which so abundantly adorn the Olympia Times :)
The Ancient Order of Olympians is a mid-sized alliance of players, many of whom (myself included) were in the original Olympia 1. (Our most prominent enemy, Oleg the Loudmouth, was also our enemy back in Olympia 1. Le plus ca change, le plus c'est la meme chose :))
The AOO is a loosely-structured group; we do not have joint policies on anything except information sharing and mutual defense. However, a lot of goals are shared by most of our members - acquire as much information as possible about the world, become wealthy and powerful, and of course stay alive long enough to enjoy the benefits of all this.
(A couple of people have asked in the Times whether we are currently accepting new members. The answer is no, but allies and trading partners are always welcome.)
Of course, the reason people have been inquiring about us is not because they're interested in our sex lives or our favorite breakfast cereal, but because of the large-scale warfare in which we have been involved for much of the game :) I will therefore give an outline account of this.
The enemies which we have been fighting can be roughly divided into two groups (with some overlap between the two).
The first group was called the Iron Nation. This was a large (about twenty to thirty factions at its peak), tightly knit alliance based in east-central Provinia. After a period of tension and skirmishing between the two alliances, the Iron Nation attacked our castle on Mount Olympus on turn 17 with approximately 600 men, most of their total military force. The attacking army was defeated with heavy losses, and on the following turn hostilities between the AOO and the Iron Nation ceased, with some of their member factions dropping out and restarting and most of the remainder accepting a safe conduct out of Provinia on the condition that they leave and never return.
The second group I shall refer to as the 'Council of the Eumenides'. This was a nom-de-guerre with which a small number of our enemies signed their Times postings earlier in the game; I have no idea whether the whole coalition of our enemies currently uses it (how about it, Oleg, what would you like your gang to be referred to as? Well, some obvious possibilities come to mind but the editor wants to keep this publication clean :)) however it will suffice for this article.
The Council of the Eumenides, as I am using the term here, is a broad coalition of factions with varying degrees of military strength, commitment and motives for enmity towards the AOO. The most prominent member is of course Oleg the Loudmouth (we killed Oleg and destroyed most of his armed forces, but Greg, Oleg's player, is still coordinating a lot of the military activity against us). The single most powerful member is the Gauls, played by Tim Whalen, who has castles and several large armies in Western Provinia. We have the identities of some of the other members and are working to obtain more (and of course to arrange a resting place in the next life for the ones we do know about :)). Heavy fighting is currently taking place between AOO and Council forces in Provinia and a number of other continents.
You will of course be aware that some Council members (and some other factions who don't want to join in the fighting but are happy to cheer our enemies on from the sidelines) are prone to a lot of hysterical bleating about how the big bad AOO bogeymen are going to massacre everyone if the heroic resistance movement doesn't get enough support. Indeed, a large percentage of the Times for most of the game has consisted of such bleating. The fact of the matter is that the AOO has for the most part left non-aligned factions alone (exceptions have been made in cases where supposedly neutral factions have marched armies into AOO-controlled lands without warning or consultation). Of course, I don't expect you to take my word for this, instead look around you - the AOO controls central Provinia, if a fraction of the Council's propaganda were true not a newbie would leave Imperial City alive, whereas in fact lots of small factions are peacefully going about their business here (and a good many have had profitable dealings with AOO members).
Of course, the Council do in fact have a motive for the propaganda besides the 25 gold; a favorite tactic of theirs is to convince small factions that their grudge against the AOO is a Holy War and point said small factions at the nearest piece of AOO territory. Typical result: the fall guy takes out a few garrisons and gets stomped by an AOO army treble the size his 'allies' told him it would be, and the Council goes looking for the next sucker. It's not very effective, but it has a nuisance value and it doesn't cost the Council anything other than mail bandwidth.
Anyway, back to the fighting. Hopefully, dear readers, at some time in the not too distant future I'll be able to inform you that every member faction of the Council of the Eumenides has been eliminated from the game, in the meantime I hope you enjoyed this article :)
-- Amber [s0s]
Tangiers, on the Barbary Coast [ap21], in Northern West Camaris, is open to the brave explorers of the northern oceans. If you are planning to visit northern West Ossicus, please let me know so that your stay in the "land that Allah watches over" (not to be confused with South Camaris, "the land of the Crazy Quilters"), can be productive and enjoyable.
-- Tibilt the Bold [e7r]
The Olympia Atlas is accepting contributions, and is available for download! Be the first to contribute information for unexplored lands (Faery).
In the tradition of Oleg's Map (tm), the Atlas is a compilation of geographical information useful for explorers, traders, and adventurers. Best of all, it's absolutely free!
To contribute to the Atlas, simply send turn excerpts (cut out all the incriminating parts) that contain the following information:
o) Mapping data (region & route info) o) City market reports o) City skills lists o) Inner locations
and send it to email@example.com. We'll include it into the next version of the Atlas.
The Atlas is available by ftp from your nearest PBM ftp site (ftp.erg.sri.com in the USA, check the PBM FAQ for other sites), in the directory /pub/pbm/olympia, as atlas.X, where X is the turn of the last update.
The Atlas is also available on the PBMGames forum on CompuServe, in the fantasy games section, as atlas.oly.
Brought to you by the Skulking Vermin (sx6)
-- Sludge [x0o]
Pax Romanum Declared in Western Provinia ========================================
Now that all completed Provinian castles west of Trion have been united under a single rule (well, except for one annoying little village) we declare an enforced peace in the west. We will not tolerate banditry, piracy, tyranny, idolatry or bigamy in these parts. All are welcome to explore, trade, build and prosper in the peaceful west. Tell us your goals and we will assist you if it is within our power. Warmongers need not apply.
-- Julius Caesar [l3r]
This is monthly notice if you wish to visit the environs of Cycarth and Redwine please be courteous enough to let m9l know (you can reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org. I do not currently plan to restrict access, but would like to know who is wandering around in my front yard. I would especially like to know if you plan on using any of the natural rsources (peasants, wood, and the like) in the provinces bt25 bt26 bt27 bu25 bu26 bu27 bv25 bv26 bv27 bw25 bw26 and bw27.
By order of Darkman, caretaker of Dark Castle
-- Dweezil [e5q]
TAKE MY MONEY!
I'll pay 100 gold for a blank scroll, or 90 gold for lana bark in the Imperial City! I'll buy as much as you got (until my gold runs out).
May be able to pick up. contact me for details.
-- Dixtheus [e3i]
___ ___ ___ / / ) / ) /___ /___/ /___/ / . _ _ /_ / )_ __ / / _ _ . __ . _ / / / _> / /___/(_>/ //< of / / (_)|// / // (_>
The First Bank of Provinia has offices in some of the major cities on the continent of Provinia. The FBoP offers the following facilities.
o Excellent Interest Rates on Bank Accounts. o A Fast and Efficient Courier Service. o Money Transfers. o Short and Long Term Loans. o Insurance Policies.
Call in at your local branch for further details.
-- First Bank of Provinia [y6v]
I ask all Noble Fractions, where do these winged-horses keep coming from?
-- Firelord [w3e]
It was taking a bit of getting used to, this business of being a noble. I'd been a commoner all 23 years of my life, and it was a real surprise to suddenly find myself elevated in position.
It all started last week, when a nobleman arrived at my door. I naturally invited him in, and offered him the best seat in my humble quarters. He was a middle aged gentleman, his hair and beard were rather on their way to turning white, and his girth showed him to be a man who had never wanted for food. I offered him what food I had, some bread and ale, but he refused, and gestured for me to sit down.
I cautiously took a seat, unused to sitting in the presence of nobility, but he smiled and said "Don't worry young man, you can sit with nobles now." I guess my puzzlement was pretty clear, so he went on to explain. It seems I had a distant uncle on my father's side who was a noble. This was news to me, but then, I'd been out of touch with my father's family since he died 8 years ago.
Well, it turns out that this noble uncle of mine and up and died, leaving no clear heir. This gentleman sitting in my home was my Great Uncle Albert's junior partner, Morris, and had started looking about to see who ought to inherit his estate. Well, to make a long story short, it seems that it was not surprising that I hadn't heard from my father's family recently, since they'd all been killed by pirates while on a ship leaving the Imperial City within the last year. This, too, was news to me. I was learning a lot that day, mostly about deaths in the family.
To make a long story just a little bit longer, Morris explained that I was Great Uncle Albert's closest living relative, and thus was due to inherit his estate and title. So there I was, suddenly a minor noble, with a fat bank account (at least by my standards), and a lumberyard full of wood. Of course, only half of the wood was mine, the rest belonged to Morris. Still, I felt like I was as rich as a king. Oh yeah, I had also inherited a couple dozen peasants as well. Oh boy.
So now it was a week later, I was wearing new clothes, living in a new, fancy (and expensive) home, looking over the "Olympia Times", and trying to remember that I didn't have to jump aside every time a nobleman approached.
One particular article caught my attention. Well actually, two. The Illustrated Man's diatribe against piracy caught my attention, since I'd so recently learned about my father's family dying at the hands of pirates, but I didn't see much that I could do about that yet. Maybe later. What really caught my attention was the first article. The Lords of Revelstone were offering to help out a single new faction to get out of the Imperial City.
I remembered reading something about them a while back, they'd settled up in West Drucartan, and were working on fixing it up. From what I recalled of them, they seemed like reasonable folks. Of course, I'd never really paid much attention to the goings on of nobles off halfway across the world from me, I'd been too busy trying to scrape together enough money to buy next week's groceries. Now they were offering to help someone get started. And here I was, trying to get started.
I'd been spending the week trying to figure out what to do with my life. My inheritance, which had seemed like a huge fortune at first, was clearly not going to last me forever. Not with having to pay for this nice house, and paying the wages of two dozen hungry peasants I'd also inherited. Going into business with Morris selling lumber did not appeal to me. I'd pondered going out and carving an empire out, daydreaming of one day crowning myself King, but upon serious consideration, I decided that just wasn't what I really wanted to do.
Oh, the idea of being a king was grand and all that, but the route there would not be one I was anxious to travel. Most kings tend to get their crowns at the expense of a lot of other would-be kings. Too much fighting and killing, and general conflict for my tastes. I'd always preferred to avoid fights.
No, the idea of fighting my way to the top didn't appeal at all. Not that I'm completely opposed to fighting, mind you. I'll fight when I have to, but I prefer to avoid fights, given a choice. So what did that leave me? I'd visited the Imperial Library and looked at the Atlas, to see if anything out there looked interesting, and was surprised at the amount of white space on the maps. It seemed that there must be room out there for someone interested in filling in the blank spaces, and that's what I decided to do. I'd become an explorer, and go out to add new places to the maps, and maybe make some profit trading while I was at it.
So when I saw the notice from the Lords of Revelstone, it was like it had been written with me in mind. They seemed like nice people, and I seemed like the sort of person they were looking to help out, so I drafted a reply to them, and sent it off via the Imperial Postal Service.
Several days of anxious waiting ensued, as I waited for their reply and made alternative plans for building a ship in case they didn't choose me. The prospect of sailing out into pirate-filled waters to probably die like my father's family didn't really appeal to me. I'd been trying to get some information from the Illustrated Man about the pirates, but he was always out test firing catapults when I went to see him, so I wasn't having much luck over there. Then one Thursday, there it was, the reply from the Lords of Revelstone.
I was nervous as I opened it, but was immediately relieved when I saw that they had chosen to help me. All plans for building a ship here in the city were tossed aside, and I began planning for how to prepare myself for my trip north to Drucartan. Now I had a purpose in life, and a direction to head.
Now, as summer comes to an end and the month of Thunder and Rain begins, I am no longer just a commoner named Arlon, but am now the nobleman Arlon Greyfletch, of House Greyfletch, ready to go out and seek out new lands, and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.
Now for some reason I feel compelled to find a pointy-eared companion...
-- Arlon Greyfletch [s7r]
Is your nobel wasteing away? Is a minor contribution of resources or information worth restoring health to a nobel? Shiver
-- Shiver [o0v]
The Brotherhood of Ormos claims the city of Avalon [ao0k] and all lands and resources inside the boundary of [bp05]-[bp08]-[br06] -[br09] inclusive, as its sole and lawful demense. Those wishing to visit Ormos are required to request a visa and await clearance before attempting to make landfall. All unauthorized visitors are unwelcome and looked upon with extreme prejudice. Captains needing to make landfall at Avalon for emergency repairs will not be molested, but are still required to contact me for a visa.
-- Pelinore Dragonslayer [p4s]
Journal - Blossom bloom, Year 6
Docked in port, yet I will not leave the ship at this time. If I did, Captain Farseeker would only say I was a "land lubber." I don't want to give him the satifaction. Besides, Ilyena is still here on board.
The Lord of the Morning, The Dragon,
-- Lews Therin Telamon [m3m]
I'm sailing south of Ossicus as of next month. Anyone have any idea of what lies in the oceans there?
-- Bagheera [y3d]
I am looking to buy a pair of winged horses in the imperial city I will pay 400 gold each... -email@example.com
-- Jorge da Selva [v5p]
After the confusion generated by the Crazy Quilters [vn7] post in last week's *Times*, we here on West Camaris feel it should be stated that while we are neighbors with the Crazy Quilters, they by no means speak for us. If you are planning travel to West Camaris, please contact The Alliance of The New Moon (through me), or the West Camaris Defense League. Those arriving on the north coast should contact the Berbers. I will be happy to direct any inquiries to the alliances/factions in the proper area of West Camaris. If you are travelling to other Camaris lands than West Camaris, I wouldn't presume to speak for the nobles occupying them. They will have to do that for themselves. As always, I am happy and willing to converse and share general information (political, geographical, etc) with any and all correspondents. -- the Crimson Sage
-- Seline Fireflower [w0l]
I think we should all bear in mind that whoever we may think we are, hairy muffin or cosmic thunderer, and no matter how practiced we may be in military arts, it still behooves us to not go running about the countryside without some sort of escort, no matter how humble. We've all sat back in our fancy glass-walled castles and mocked the tattered and unkempt bands of savages wandering through the wilderness, but you do not want to run into them alone in a dark ravine. Trust me on this. Plus, I'm coming to get my nazgul back...
Why does Sludge keep advertising the Olympia Atlas when it hasn't been updated for over six turns? Is he just slow or is it really a scam?
All of the Ocean is claimed. If you want permission to travel over it, please contact Duke Marat
No swimmers will be permitted without prior approval.
You have been warned.
Has anyone ever noticed the Nazgul is an anagram of "Lung A-Z"? Surely this proves that these odorous beasties are set on locating and identifying people's internal organs by practicing VIVISECTION on us!
Stamp out these vile monstrosities NOW
This has been a public service anouncement from Lord Nutter of F.A.N.A.T.I.C
NOT Just another IDOL boast. You expect? NOT!
We are proud to announce the not-to-far-in-the-future opening of the soon-to-be-world-famous:
Dew Drop Inn
Convieniently located in beautiful Ossicus - one of the few truly undisturbed spots left in in all of Olympia. The Dew Drop Inn is located just one provence away from two (count 'em - TWO!) Ossican Beach resorts. Woo woo!
Come Rest! Relax! Recreate!
DEW DROP INN NOW, YA HEAR?! (tm)
Tollus will eventually be free -- but there may be no castles left when it gets to be that way!
Boy it's hard to find a city that teaches mining! I should have gone to the one near IC! A word to the wise...
Just like the AOO to raze their castle and run away.
sailing along with nothing to see you would think that some have been before me.
"The Duke has no interest in ungrammatical morons."
What a charming noble the duke must be. Is it any wonder that people want to level the Chateau to the ground?
Imperial documents prove that Marat's parents were brothers. -- Film at 11 --
Late one night, high in a tower, high above our Provinian homeland, my studious friend began a low, queer chuckle. He had studied long & hard to master the crystal orb, & I thought it likely the stuffy room and his interminal studies had finally driven him mad.
He glanced at me and grinned, his sanity returned. "Look my friend, & behold," he urged, offering me the crystal.
As the crystal cleared, I saw visions of the past: a dog overwhelmed by bugs outside a sinister castle; a noble army crushed by the stout defences of the evil fortress while a ratspider-like man laughed from the castle walls; an evil army slaughtered in the dark forests of the East. Then I saw visions of the present: of great armies mustering on Mt. Olympus & elsewhere.
Then, to my shock, I saw the future: I saw the court of the King of Provinia. The orb panned the throne, & I feared to see the rat-man sitting with a bloody crown. But my heart lept for joy as I greeted the kindly face of a noble dog. And I knew in my heart the future was secure!
All hail King Dogmatix, the future King of Provinia!
Seen last month: Persephone, with 16 winged horses, three pikemen, three giant lizards, and eight wolves, flying across the ocean. How exactly do you fit a wolf on a winged horse, anyway? To say nothing of a winged horse. Must be some kind of sling...
Q: Why doesn't Duke Marat take out life insurance? A: No need - everyone automatically benefits
The AOO: a riddle wrapped in an enigma, then deep fried and served with firey pico de gallows and sour cream.
Clifford's City Market Database: 112 city market reports and growing Send in a city market report not yet in the database and for EACH report, you will receive a report each week on the commodity of your choice. For further info, write to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Death before Dishonor...of course honor is a subjective term!
Qb qentbaf erdhver nalguvat fcrpvny gb xvyy? Ubj tbbq vf qentba ubneq va trareny? Gur raqf bs gur rnegu ner vagrerfgvat cynprf...
George could barely withstand his glee. I mean, sure, these guys were "noble" -- whatever that meant. But what right did that right them to stand idly by while everyone else lifted stone after heavy stone into place on this monsterous castle.
And who would want to live in a castle, anyway? "Cold, drafty, smelly places," he thought. "I'd rather sleep on a nice pasture, or under a pine tree."
But now it was finally over ... all but the feasting and celebrating. This was a good day. The best in months and months.
...and then he heard is leige: "You good workers have a hearty day's celebration -- you've certainly earned it! But don't drink too much and don't stay out late. Tomorrow we start work on the towers."
"Is it too late to become a soldier?" wondered George. "Sure you have to fight and sometimes you get hurt or even die, but you don't *do* anything in between except eat and drink. Or maybe I can run away and be a farmer again."
We're off to see the wizard the wonderfull wizard of Ossicus
We're going.... This way that way Forward and back And over the Atnos sea A bottle of rum to fill my tum and that's the life for me!
verse 9 The Turant's Blade no blood hath spilled But doth the spirit carve Soulcutter hath no body killed But many left to starve. The Complete Book of Swords by Fred Saberhagen
Taira-sama is uninterested in debate with individuals who are incapable of spelling his name right. The insult inherent in their use of his given name - Yoshinawa - rather than his family name - Taira - he will overlook since the poster so obviously is an ignorant barbarian, unschooled in the ways of civilized peoples. My lord declines to answer directly anyone who is so cowardly as to not declare their name openly and honestly. Hence this note will remain unsigned.
Is it true that somebody with Artifact Construction has now invented the "Realistic Miyuki Doll"?!!! (And that Marat is paying megabig bucks for a....."special" one?) Enquiring Mindz wanna know!
Ossicus - Non-Virgin Territory for Whorehouses The Madam has opened shop!! Innkeeper found!!
Wanted: Priest to build Temple for sacrifices to the Great Atnerks
Rebuttal to the Flat Earth Society: I have personally sailed from one edge of Olympia to the other and NOT fallen off. I did however find row double zero. This was unfortunate, as for some reason, I had not expected there to be anything between '99' and '01'. As a result I am now off course, but at least remain on the face of Olympia.
What offense/defense to Wild Men have?
OI! OI! Stone is so bloody heavy. I fear I shall never get my castle done. If anyone has gold to donate to me please feel free. Sigh.
Look's like AOO's going to own the world. Let's get out of here!
Study, study, fish, fish. How long 'til we get to Ossicus?
Holy Atnerk this was a tight spot. He had thought it was just a small barbarian village. Something easy to pillage. How was he to know it was their festival of the broken horn and every hut contained the sleeping relatives from the surrounding villages. He couldnt fight. 3 or 4 villages at once. Suddenly there was a flash of light, that gentle pop, and that oh so annoying whinney voice.
"Money Gram, Olympia Times Money Gram for Odin 138."
The ring of barbarian fighters took a few steps back. Some started to clean and sharpen their swords. As unsavory as Odin 138 found it, He suspected begging was his best chance for survival now.
"Please.. Get me out of here. You can keep you miserable 25 gold just take me with you !"
"You cousin Thor 85 has submitted an article to the Olympian Times and has designated you to receive the writers fee. Please sign here."
"Cant you see Im in BIG trouble here. The gold wont do me any good within an hour. Just get me out of here."
"The Times maintains a strict policy of noninterference in local politics. Therefore I am forbidden to intervene in this dispute"
There was another flash of light and a gentle pop and Odin 138 was alone again with a couple hundred barbarian fighters, a small bag of gold, and a copy of a receipt. The circle of barbarians started to close in again. Well at least half of them had their eyes on the bag of gold and not on him. That might help Yea, Sure it would
REWARD! Tell me what a pretus stone is for and I'll give you all that you can eat (or whatever it is you're supposed to do with them) [u0z]
Fi, Fie, Foe, Fickle I'm going to have an AOO Rump Roast with a pickle. Fiddle-dee-dumm, How about a lovely sponge with sauce of Plum. Oh, why not just say it, Marat is a BUMM!
The AOO has pulled of some stunts now it's fighting a war on three fronts is there room for more ? can I make it four ? cause there a complete bunch of idiots
Are peasant mobs good or bad in most battles? Do they dilute your offensive and defensive power with a whole bunch of 2,2,0 people, or do they help absorb attacks?
Does anyone know what's north of East Camaris?
Holy Grand Banks turbot wars Batman! The fish stocks in the Atnos channel are dwindling rapidly from overharvesting. Some factions are reportedly readying their navies for an all out "Protect the Atnos Fishery" campaign.
The sounds of a wooden rabbit being built sound through the dark woods. ZZZzzzzz ZZZzzz.
So when ARE you going to hit Atnos?
"Honor is a gift man gives to himself. It should be cherished and protected lest lesser men take it from him." - Rob Roy MacGregor (Great Movie! ****)
Quirky AOO Dictator Killed by Bolt of Lightning
Oly Press International
AOO tyrant Duke Marat stood in a galley during a thunderstorm on Monday, raised his hands and proclaimed heavenward, "Here I am." Moments later a lightning bolt struck him dead, witnesses said.
Authorities said they had no explanation for the maverick despot's behavior, but friends and colleagues said his actions were typical of his offbeat nature.
The lightning bolt struck Marat in the head aboard his new racing galley. Death apparently was instantaneous, as there was no exit point for the lightning said an Atnos sheriff's spokesman.
Three nobles were in the galley with Marat and a young woman was in the water preparing to ski, despite heavy storms that had rumbled through much of the province, officials said.
Witnesses said Marat stood in the back of the galley, raised his hands toward the sky and said, "Here I am." The lightning bolt struck his head almost momentarily.
Being trapped in the Netherhells is not the most fearsome thing that can happen to you. It is, in fact, probably no worse than being trapped in a cave for a weekend with all your spouse's relatives, and, in most cases, will not lead to total drooling gibbering madness, as is the popular misconception. If, on the other hand, you find yourself trapped in the Netherhells for a weekend with all your spouse's relatives, well, sometimes drooling and gibbering can be fun. -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. XXXIII
* Market Survey: I am interested in the further profits of bounty hunting. Serious reward offers considered. Satisfactory payment procedures required. Please submit "serious offers". I am currently interested in the rewards associated with killing Marat and the other AOO scum. Perhaps some of the forces attacking the AOO would like me to create a diversionary or real attack. Old book skills and gold would pay for a powerful force for several turns. Easier targets will command a smaller fee. I will contact you directly if I am willing to pursue your target. I am currently available. * Low Profile Bounty Hunters
............... Olympian Order of Miyuki Fans (OOMF) ................. report on The 2nd Annual MIYUKI-O-RAMA-THON!
Apologies to fans who were expecting this report earlier but I had to spend all last month tending my wounds and was forced to remain in bed the whole time with 3 nubile nurses who insisted on treating me repeatedly with their experimental sponge bath therapy.
As you may have heard by now the party was a roaring success, with major property damage, hundreds of arrests, scores of disfiguring injuries and dozens of fatalities being confirmed.
The ingestion of mass quantities of the psycho-sexual miracle drug "Miyukia" greatly enhanced this years spectacle-in-the-streets as a multitude of ecstatic revelers dispensed with the formality of clothing to cavort and romp and jiggle and bounce merrily through the boulevards and alleyways of Imperial city.
Of course the highlight of this years festivities was the brief but memorable appearance made by the Divine Miss M herself, who kicked off the celebration at dusk.
Backlit by a lovely Provinian sunset & clad only in the flimsiest of see-through Miyuki brand "Naughty Nighties", our own Goddess O Luv streaked across the early evening sky in her hot pink chariot, pulled lustily along by 13 Virgin White Lipizon Winged Stallions.
As she passed overhead, the ever-easy but never cheap Miyuki blew kisses and tossed autographed vials of "Miyuki's Own G-Spot Magic Lube" down to the enraptured throng below. Whew! It was an orgasmic sight to behold.
All in all, we think that The 2nd Annual MIYUKI-O-RAMA-THON lived up to its promise of "Tons O Fun" and we look forward with eager anticipation to next years wild and crazy bash which promises to be bigger, better and even more mindlessly destructive!
In other Miyuki news:
It seems the painted ladies of Ossicus have been as busy as beavers lately (pun intended) with the opening of the Liberty Inn. The OOMF dispatched an elite squad of young republicans on spring break from Miyuki U. to sample the delights and rate the services offered by this new sporting establishment. Preliminary reports, to paraphrase the Draconian Elite, state that "Their sins are great, especially with custard and cheese!" Oh my.
Lastly but not leastly, it has come to our attention there's going to be some kind of "Miyuki's Delights" Religious Festival held here. While it's not an OOMF sponsored event, high priest and Big man on campus Ed Powers will be in attendance representing the OOMF. Considering the temporary duplicative effect of Miyukia on human reproductive appendages and orifices, it seems the term "Vestigial Virgins" was NOT a typo! "Look it up" says Ed.
By the way Ed is down South this month filming "Dirty Debs #147 - Girls of Krussos". Say hello and he might let you work the camera.
Until next month, Buster Hymen