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   | The Olympia Times                                       issue g1-116 |
   | September 11, 1996                                                   |
   |                                                                      |
   | turn 116  124 players                  http://www.pbm.com/oly/times/ |

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Olympia PBEM

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Player-contributed press

The Lords of Revelstone are cheered by the spirit of comity and philanthropy that suffuses the Land and the lands beyond. We repeat our offer to all in search of learning to come study with us, and we support the efforts of those, like the Royal Geographic Society, who bring light and knowledge to the world and those others who join together for safety and advancement. An age unlike all others is within our reach. -Variol, high lord of the Council of Lords at Revelstone

[MUSIC OVER: "The Times They Are A-Changing," Bob Dylan] [*NOTE TO LEGAL: we can use this, can't we? He's dead, right?] P.O.V. tracks in from high above street level, passing by a LIVELY BAR filled with people having a loud, cheery good time. We close in on an alley next to the bar, wherein a TATTERED FIGURE slumps.] TATTERED FIGURE: I had it all! I was ruler, king, lord and master! No one challenged me! An EMPLOYEE steps briefly from the LIVELY BAR. EMPLOYEE: Put a sock in it, rummy! The EMPLOYEE discards some trash in the alley and returns inside. TATTERED FIGURE: I'll blast you! I'll blast you- Hey, wait! The TATTERED FIGURE is too late. The EMPLOYEE is gone. TATTERED FIGURE: Too slow. I would've gotten him. In the old days, I'd have fried him, nothing but ashes. The TATTERED FIGURE takes a draft from an ice-blue bottle. Suddenly, a familiar apparition appears. DOGMATIX: These aren't the old days anymore, old foe. BASTRESTRIC (for it is him) reacts with surprise, and lurches halfway to his feet. BASTRESTRIC: You! I'll- I'll- I'll-- DOGMATIX: Blast me, yes, I know. Save it for later. BASTRESTRIC: What are you doing here? I thought your eyeless skull was sitting on my mantle still. DOGMATIX: Times have changed, and the world has no place for us any longer. Can you doubt that? BASTRESTRIC: (sneering) Perhaps your day is done, you pretentious cur, but I still rule the world! DOGMATIX: Sure you do. Look at you! Here you are- and [motions toward LIVELY BAR] there they are! BASTRESTRIC: Maybe you're right. Sometimes [sighs] I just don't feel so relevant any more. DOGMATIX: (brightly) The answer's right in your hands, BtA! BASTRESTRIC: What do you mean? This? [He holds up the bottle of ice blue ORC OIL NA] DOGMATIX: Exactly! It's not our world any more, and there's just no place for ripping abdominal seizures and paralytic convulsions in the new world of Turn 115! BASTRESTRIC: I always did think the ice-blue packaging was so 80's. But what is there for us? VO: A new brew for the new days: Orc Oil Oldstile! Made with a centuries-old process, using only the finest spring water, ratspider venom, and the filthiest and most bedraggled orcs, and then filtered through pretus bones and dragon membranes for a taste and a kick no other orc Oil can match! BASTRESTRIC and DOGMATIX lift bottles of new Orc Oil Oldstile, and hold them out, showing the odd hinged ceramic cap atop the bottle. BASTRESTRIC: Say! That is a new taste! DOGMATIX: And the new hinged ceramic cap thing alone is worth the increased price! BASTRESTRIC: There's just one thing I don't get: Why is it Orc Oil Oldstile? DOGMATIX: It should be obvious, you old goat- When it comes to Orc Oil Oldstile, there's no "y" about it! VO: New Orc Oil Oldstile, with the hinged ceramic cap: it costs a lot extra, but it's not your father's orc oil! [PRINT DISCLAIMER in superimposition: "Revelstone breweries takes no responsibility for accidental consumption of Orc Oil NA, Orc Oil Oldstile, or Your Father's Orc Oil. All Revelstone Orc Oil products are sold with the intent that they be used to dissolve machine parts, or for the pharmacological correction of psychoses in farm animals. Keep away from free oxygen. Do not incinerate. Orc Oil is known to cause spontaneous hemorrhaging in rocks. Use only in a doctor's office."

-- Lords of Revelstone [ad4]

My guess to the letter riddle is " hjku jjjk ba gfdr fffd n; "

-- The day of Rest [ju3]

The Order of the Yellow Peacocks is undertaking and expedition for the Royal Geographic Society. We are journeying to the southeastern corner of the map. If anyone has any objections, comments, suggestions or anything else, I would be delighted to hear from you. You can contact me at rww@ica.net.

-- Order of the Yellow Peacocks [rk8]

The Spanish Inquisition is currently undertaking an expedition for the Royal Geographic Society. The Comfy Chair [im9k] is sailing to lands where no noble has gone before. But if YOU are standing already on the "new" land, do not feel disturbed and please have patience with this inquisitive explorers.

Wurnas, Captain of the Comfy Chair [k6d]

-- Spanish Inquisition [sg3]

--=RGS=-- Announcement --=RGS=--


For the first time in recorded history, a ship has sailed completely around Olympia from east to west. Captain Kadar Oridin, of House Greyfletch, has successfully navigated the Grey Bird from his home in West Camaris to the Prime Meridian in column 01, then along the coastlines of Torba Bacor, East Camaris, and South Camaris, and eventually back home again. Said Captain Oridin of his exploit, "It would never have been possible if it were not for my excellent crew, my loyal friend and first mate Renelle Darkwood, and prodigious quantities of Orc Oil NA."

The possible use of stimulants aside, we salute this fine accomplishment of Captain Oridin and of House Greyfletch, and name them Master Explorers in recognition of their contributions to the Atlas, to the well-being of the Society, and to maritime history in general.


It gives us great pleasure to announce the enrollment of the First Bank of Provinia as a Charter Member of the Society. All Olympia is aware of what a fine humanitarian institution the Bank is, and of the assistance it regularly provides to new and established factions alike. Welcome, brothers!

The Bank has pledged to provide members of Society with transportation and delivery services, for which we hereby appoint them to the position of RGS Freightmaster.


An organization is only as good as its leadership, and the Society is no exception. Many of our Members have agreed to serve in leadership roles, and their contributions are critical to our collective well-being. In the past, these appointments have been considered a matter only for our internal correspondence; but at this time we wish to acknowledge them publicly.

Skulking Vermin: RGS Master Cartographer House Greyfletch: RGS Master Explorer Reservoir Gods: RGS Archivist, and also Master Shipwright in IC Lords of Revelstone: RGS Quartermaster First Bank of Provinia: RGS Feightmaster

We can truthfully say that without the contributions of these fine Factions, and also those of our Membership at large, the Society could not function, and the Great Work itself would be unattainable.


The Society extends the hand of friendship to all recently-formed Factions. We will send any such Faction one copy of the New Atlas, free of obligation, together with whatever advice and assistance our humble Organization can provide.

For more information, contact our Representative, the Honorable Brett Miller, at 103534.1454@compuserve.com .


Royal Geographical Society [sp9] Skulking Vermin [sx6], C/RGS House Greyfletch [pb7], C/RGS Reservoir Gods [qb4], C/RGS Lords of Revelstone [ad4], C/RGS Ninth Wave [nr2], C/RGS the day of Rest [ju3], C/RGS Spanish Inquisition [sg3], C/RGS Order of the Yellow Peacocks [rk8], C/RGS Clan Talavyn [qn3], C/RGS

-- Royal Geographical Society [sp9]

-------------------------------- South & West CAMARIS Update --------------------------------

Monthly notice: every new visitor to either of our two fair isles should notify us in advance.

-- The Crazy Quilters [vn7]

A reply from Gustav, Knight Explorer of the RGS, to the recent rumors targeted at the fledgling Brotherhood of All Factions:

Bartholomew has been preoccupied of late with his work on the Brotherhood, so he asked me to speak here in his stead.

I am a man of far fewer words than our good Knight Commander, so I'll make this brief.

If Bartholomew wishes to forward a new idea promoting peace and brotherhood between factions, where is the harm in that? And if a few other factions who feel likewise wish to join, why should that be considered a threat by anyone?

Someone Asked:

>Brotherhood of all fractions is another smoke screen, right?

By "smoke screen", you mean a cover story for something else, right? *No*, there is no ulterior motive for forming the Brotherhood. Promoting understanding and cooperation between factions seems a fairly worthwhile and fairly straightforward exercise to me; what do you think?

>Do RGS has the intention to bring a new era, or built a empire???

RGS intentions are to make a *really nice* map of Olympia. We are neither reformers nor statesmen.

And Someone Else Asked:

>The RGS Overlord says let's have a Brotherhood of Factions and all >be friends, at last the end to banditry and strife. This is a wonderful >idea apart from several tiny flaws:

>1) Some of us are sisters - are we disenfranchised already?

In the Real World, perhaps. In the Brotherhood, no. All factions will be equal, having one vote each. It's just that "Personhood" sounded rather uninspiring...

>2) Some of us are bandits - what do we get out of it?

One vote, same as everyone else. Remember, this is more of a discussion group than anything else; it's not out to punish anyone. It need not even be moralistic, unless its membership so decides.

>3) Some of us are independent - why should we submit to RGS domination?

RGS what? Domination? It's true that we may have flogged some of our peasants needlessly in the past, but I assure you that's all behind us now...

The Brotherhood, once formed, can elect its own leadership. The RGS involvement is meant only to get the ball rolling; after that, we will gladly step aside.

Pax Profundis.

[With apologies to the late Answer Guy, may his barbs be ever-sharp.]

-- Gustav [b3a]

>Q: Is anyone ever across Olympia from north to south yet?


>When a noble falls in the forest does he make a sound?

Yes. Ouch!

> Just who was Bta anyway? > Is he still around?

Probably the most powerful mage to have ever existed. As to wether he is still around, I'm sure if you announce your id he'll give you an up close demonstration of how the "Aura Blast" spell works.

> So if you cross a peasant and a horse, do you get a centaur?

More than likely.

> And if you cross a centaur and a peasant, what happens?

You get arrested for offences against humanity!

-- FBoP Information Service

-- First Bank of Provinia [v0z]

I'm Jack and these are my beans, but no beans will be available for the next two weeks. I assure all my customers that I am not crazy, just on vacation.

-- Jaques et ses Haricots [x1a]


They call me Mr. Putterman...

What is AOO means in Olympia world

New Riddle: I run smoother than any rhyme, I love to fall but cannot climb. I tremble at each breath of air, and yet can heaviest burdens bear...?

need gold, really needed!

If that is what you believe in Olympia, Day of Rest, please leave the address of your castle and we will fullfill your request very soon!!!

. . . or is that being picked? . . . B-)

If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings -- including this one.


Q: Is anyone ever across Olympia from east to west yet?

The Olympian Peoples Front will destroy the oppressors. Viva the OPF . Viva EL Presidente !!

Does a ship have a total weight? If it does then you should be able to portage it accross land with enough oxen?

Hi, there. Remember me? No one else does, either, which is why I carry the Olympia Express card. Use it for all your travel needs: longswords, dragons, nazgul. Don't try to conquer Provinia without it! XXXX

If you can't think of anything better to say than: "Water, water everywhere, and still only 25 gold" or "Gold for the needy" or "Ka-ching" you must have a pretty crappy imagination. Rumors are an important part of Olympian society, don't abuse there usage. The Protectorate of the Sacred Rumor XXXX

pannin' for gold.

The Protectorate of the Sacred Rumor should set an example andchange their post every couple of months

Gold for the needy!

How do you get your noble back from the Bandits? XXXX


One more final rumor

The Day of Rest says "war is about territory", and suggests people shouldn't attack him for not having any. In fact war is about capturing noble points, which he probably _does_ have. Lack of territory just makes it harder to defend one's noble points.

So little time - So many empty lairs.

Where do you find the peasants who are willing to be crossed with the oxen? (& vice versa...) XXXX

Why isn't SWIMMING a skill?!?! XXXX

Tally ho! Off to sea we go!

Better late than never. XXX (Just trying to keep Marat amused)

My apologies to the Protectorate of the Sacred Rumor, but I'm afraid I don't have anything original to post this week. Then again, it is still better than your continuous posting of the same message. =) Normally, I wouldn't bother to post a rumor if I don't have anything to say, but I should at least honor my own request to continous post the XXXX.

I hear that the AOO have opened Hades to all travelors. Is this true?

It's Easy, when your us. When Your Rich. When your Famous. Who is going to stop the AOO, then ????

Remember, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they're not after you... XXXX

Movement is beginning A new empire starts to grow

"will some one please tell me what Spiny Root is used for"

Earl's well, that ends well.