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   | The Olympia Times                                      times@pbm.com |
   | October 12, 1994                                         issue g1-16 |
   |                                                                      |
   | turn 16  169 players              "The more laws, the less justice." |

Questions, comments, to play: info@pbm.com

Olympia PBEM

* * *

Her strong enchantments failing, Her towers of fear in wreck, Her limbecks dried of poisons And the knife at her neck,

The Queen of air and darkness Begins to shrill and cry, 'O young man, O my slayer, To-morrow you shall die.'

O Queen of air and darkness, I think 'tis truth you say, And I shall die to-morrow; But you will die to-day.

-- A.E. Housman

* * *

Proposed FORM change --------------------

No changes to the NP cost of FORM will be made for now.

Important notice of rule changes --------------------------------

Remember that SWEAR will no longer work next turn.

Player-contributed press

Greetings fellow Olympians,

We are writing to announce that the Iron Nation hereby formally declares war with the Ancient Order of Olympia. The unprovoked aggression of Percival the Priss was part of a systematic plan to weaken and conquer the Iron Nation. We will not stand idly by while Percival hides behind a banner of false neutrality.

We urge all enemies of the AOO to converge in Mt. Olympus and attack their stronghold, Chateau Olympique, in the month of Snowmelt. Interested parties should contact i9t@g1.pbm.com.

The Olympia Atlas is accepting contributions, and is available for download! Be the first to contribute information for other lands (Cloudlands, Hades, Faery).

In the tradition of Oleg's Map (tm), the Atlas is a compilation of geographical information useful for explorers, traders, and adventurers. Best of all, it's absolutely free!

To contribute to the Atlas, simply send turn excerpts (cut out all the incriminating parts) that contain the following information:

o) Mapping data (region & route info) o) City market reports o) City skills lists o) Inner locations

and send it to sx6@g1.pbm.com. We'll include it into the next version of the Atlas.

The Atlas is available by ftp from your nearest PBM ftp site (ftp.erg.sri.com in the USA, check the PBM FAQ for other sites), in the directory /pub/pbm/olympia, as atlas.X, where X is the turn of the last update.

The Atlas is also available on the PBMGames forum on CompuServe, in the fantasy games section, as atlas.oly.

The turn 15 version of the atlas is currently available at both sites.

Brought to you by the Skulking Vermin (sx6)

Just a quick safety note.

If you have a stack and with to rearrange it such that there will be a new leader of the stack as a whole, the present leader of the stack needs to unstack the new leader, and then stack under the new leader. It does not work to have the present leader stack under the new leader and have the new leader issue an unstack (on the same day of the month). In this case, the old leader will fail to stack under someone who is stacked under him and will be left alone.



[ much inane blathering deleted... ]

If you can't write an interesting Times article yourself, at least forbear from criticizing people who can.

Soon to sail from Aethlarn and/or Imperial City to points unknown, anyone interested in joining me?

Pacifistic Vigilantism: The Sayings of Oleg The Loudmouth Also Known As 'The Master' As Related To Dr. Pain, Reformed Villain

Chapter 1

Oleg dozed quietly, in his chair, on a rock. Perhaps he dreamt of peace, of quiet, of the good old days in Torba Bacor, before he had that bit of mental trouble. What an unfortunate incident that was. Nevermind, that was in his past, and now he dreamt of peace.

Dr. Pain, on the other hand, was not experiencing quiet. Mount Olympus was bleedin' TALL, and the Chateau Olympique, with its ill-fated moat, was far below, in the distance. Huff. Puff. Huff. Puff. Oh, the price he paid for enlightenment!

Oleg awoke with a start, and noticed his student approaching him.

"Dr. Pain! So glad you could come by today. Would you like a spot of tea or perhaps a cake? Oh dear, all I seem to have to eat today is a rock. Pull up a chair... er, rock, and set for a while."

Dr. Pain, who stood there glowering and attempting to catch his breath, finally sat. "I will remember my mantra", he thought to himself. "OOOOM. Killers must be killed. OOOOOOOM. Take time to smell the flowers. Ooooom. Killers must be killed."

Oleg examined his student, and was pleased. Dr. Pain seemed quite comfortable, albeit a bit red in the face, cold, hungry, and miserable.

"Today's lesson is concerns the innate nature of Villainry, and its relation to Villainry's logical opposite, Vigilantism."

Dr. Pain's face lit up. His favorite topic!

"What is the source of Villainry? No one knows. But its manifestation in the world is clear: attacks on innocent citizens of this fair world. And then there are the villains who shelter other villains, even if they proclaim their innocence.

What is the source of Vigilantism? No one knows, and indeed it must be similar to that of Villainry. But Vigilantism opposes the action of Villainry, and is the only Law known to this world."

Dr. Pain nodded solemnly. He had seen both of these forces acting in the world around him in recent months: seemingly random attacks on various innocent factions, accusations against Bastrestric ther Archymonaged, the sheltering of Bastrestric within the Chateau Olympique, the proclamation of innocence by the owner of the Chateau Olympique, and the attack on the Chateau which (temporarily) cost Bastrestric his life.

"What is it that we are to learn from the events of the recent past? First, and foremost, those who lie down with villains become tainted with villainry. The Baron Marat shares the blame for Bastrestric's attacks upon innocent victims!"

"But," interrupted Dr. Pain, "I have heard protestations of innocence in some cases. They say that they have signed solemn agreements of defense with these Villains. Why should Villainry release them from their obligations?"

"A good question, for a student such as yourself, Dr. Pain, so recently counted among the Villains. If you sign a treaty of defense with someone, and they murder your defenseless grandmother, are you obligated to defend them against the law?"

"Well, er... um..." Dr. Pain's brow was deeply furrowed as he attempted to solve this ethical problem. He was not used to thinking in this fashion. Nothing made sense. He could not answer. He sat, embarrassed.

"The answer Oleg would come to is: No. It is up to every honest citizen of this planet to defend every grandmother, and it is up to every citizen to break defensive agreements with grandmother-muggers."

"Yes!" Dr. Pain's face lit up. This was the enlightenment he had come so far for. "Death to the grandmother muggers! DEATH! KILL! KILL!" He began jumping up and down. Oleg looked concerned.

Then, with a sudden lurch, Dr. Pain lost his footing and rolled down the mountain. His sessions with Oleg always ended this way. "Very odd," thought Oleg, "this Dr. Pain fellow. But he runs a good Inn, I hear."

Oleg gazed down at the Chateau Olympique, and wondered what the future would bring.

Did you know? You need a specific magic sword to trash a Cyclops.

Pilgrims Aid Society

Accept no substitutes! The travel advisory posted by the 'Pilgrim's Aid Society' in the last issue of the times was, in fact, a clever forgery. As Brother Akmall has warned before, don't trust Times authors who don't post their signature with ID number.

ANNOUNCING: --====< Blat! Volume 1 of the Pilgrims Aid Society Land Claim Log is now available. These log entries include the source, confirmation, and personal notes and advisories. Logs will be available through direct mail or through a ftp sight near you.

New Nobles, the Pilgrims Aid Society continues to offer free tips. Contact Akmall with your questions or concerns.

Akmall Benhalla [p3p] Pilgrims Aid Society

Ponderings of a bemused adventurer: How do wolves and rats carry around all that gold?

> Alas poor Coddington! I knew him well...

> why o why did the AOO psychopaths kill him after giving him "permission" > to enter "their" domain to exhume a body?

False. Coddington received no permission to do anything, nor did he notify the AOO in advance that he was even going into the province containing the graveyard.

Well, that's fine as far as it goes. Coddington didn't need anyone's permission to travel around Olympia.

However, the turn after Dogmatix died carrying out his attack on Mt. Olympus, Coddington then turned around and said, "Hey, I think I'll collect Dogmatix's body and sell it back to his faction so he can be resurrected".

Coddington ignored several increasingly strongly worded requests along the lines of "We'd rather you didn't do that, it cost a good many lives to defeat Dogmatix in the first place and we don't want him back to life and back at our throats again".

At the end of the day, the only way to stop Coddington was to kill him. The moral of that story is, if you choose to join in a war on the losing side, fine, but don't act all surprised when you find yourself dead as a result.

> The only question remaining is: did they decide to ambush him before he > entered the location, or was it just another AOO sociopath that hadn't > murdered anyone for a couple of turns...neither Coddington nor any > other member of his faction has been aligned with any group.

False. As explained above, Coddington was killed only after, despite requests and advice to the contrary, he had aligned himself with the Gauls who are, judging by their actions, a gang of homicidal maniacs.

> For any travellers new to Provinia, the AOO is the so-called Ancient > Order of Olympians, hitherto the only totally irrational and > gratuitously homicidal alliance in the game. Their power base is

False. Apart from Coddington, the only person killed by the AOO recently was Dogmatix, who died carrying out a totally unprovoked sneak attack on Mt. Olympus, with no apparent motive other than killing for the sake of it.

> the castle "Chateau Olympique" in bx22, built in order to intimidate > new nobles in the Imperial City; the ridiculous "earl" Marat has > already garrisoned absurdly large areas of Provinia, deliberately > breaking treaties in the process.

False. The AOO garrisons have not been placed in territory claimed by any other faction. They have been placed only in provinces where the tax revenue was otherwise unclaimed and going to waste. Nor have the AOO interfered with other factions' freedom to travel and use resources in garrisoned provinces.

> I can't sign this. I don't want to meet with a terrible accident, even > if it has nothing to do with the "innocents" at the AOO.

Ah. Our complainer here is a gutless windbag without the courage to sign his name to his words.

At a guess, Mr. Anonymous is Coddington's faction or one of his allies. The answer to your complaints is, don't join wars you weren't invited to, or if you insist on looking for trouble, don't be surprised when you find it.

Amber [s0s]

TIMES Commentator:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If your old neighborhood is so great, why don't you shut up & go back there already?

I mean, you obviously *belong* in west Texas... :-{P}

Leo's Journal Entry 5...

We won! But the attacks were not as successful as I thought they were going to be. We lost a peasant and a soldier, and many of the beasts escaped capture. We did however, capture the first of many Battle Beasts. We had to start small (rats) but soon we will discover larger and fiercer creatures, including the noble lion.

Galley for sale.The galley "NINA" is being built in the Imperial City, and will sell for 1000 gold. The Merchant of Venice (x9j)--

Minotaurs certainly are wealthy! We cleared out one minotaur in a ruin and gained almost 2000 gold pieces. Even Giant Rats carry around almost 100 gold pieces. I guess they liked the glitter. Harvesting roving fauna using the Beastmaster skill to recruit them seems a nice way to gain money and power.

Oh great now it so happens that there are monsters not listed, who are really tough. why me?

-- Squire Adam

There are rumors that a mountain province will occasionally erupt as a volcano, doing damage to all in that province. Does anyone have any evidence about this?

!!! QUICK IQ TEST !!! Okay, boys and girls, each issue of the O Times comes with a free! "see how smart you are" test All you have to do is answer yes or no. Okay? Begin!

1. An anonymous story says that if you attack another player's garrisons, the anonymous author will then help you. Will the anonymous player then help you? YES NO

2. A noble attacks a castle and is killed by the castle's defenders. Should you be outraged and attack the castle's defenders again yourself? YES NO

3. Another player controls .05% of the land playing area. Do you ignore the other 99.5% and attack the player who controls .05%? YES NO

4. Even if there is another player, who probably played in the earlier game, started on turn 1, and has a few things you don't (yet) have, do you automatically attack his nobles? YES NO

If you answered YES to any of the above questions, you stay after class and clean the chalkboard erasers. Get real. Agusta faction

Travel Question:

Has anyone recently traveled through the Uldim pass into Drucartan and visited Thorneclay ? Rumor has it that mining is also taught in Thorneclay.

Negentropy [pz8]

Diary: Waning Days, Day 4 Well here's a fine mess. No sooner do my friends leave me than I am threatened by 9 beasties. I'm to meet a newcomer to our faction in Beltran, but it's a question whether I'll arrive there in one piece. Time to start training a few more peasants into soldiers.

The time has come to settle down and hone our skills for a while. We found the first tower surprisingly easy to build and research now continues apace.

Aric tried to ignore the shouting of a loud mouth student at the far end of the university cafeteria as he studied the course catalog with increasing puzzlement. The catalog only covered the lower division courses. How could he determine which classes to sign up for if he didn't know what upper division classes he could take afterwards? The words "LORE.NEW" caught his ear, hurled with great force by the boisterous student at the far end, who, it seems, was known as Oleg. Rubbing his bruised ear, Aric picked up his catalog and headed toward Oleg to see what he could learn.

I was curious what land has been claimed to the north of Provincia. I do not wish to get into a range war, but it is sometimes to difficult to identify some folks intended claims. Please include rough map hexes to identify them. Thanks JLS (zs7)

Murphy's Law of Combat # 21. Friendly fire isn't. Murphy's Law of Combat # 22. If the sergeant can see you, so can the enemy. Murphy's Law of Combat # 23. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep. Murphy's Law of Combat # 24. The most dangerous thing in the world is a second lieutenant with a map and a compass. Murphy's Law of Combat # 25. There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole. Murphy's Law of Combat # 26. A grenade with a seven second fuse will always burn down in four seconds. Murphy's Law of Combat # 27. Remember, a retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping. Murphy's Law of Combat # 28. If at first you don't succeed call in an air-strike. Murphy's Law of Combat # 29. Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan. Murphy's Law of Combat # 30. Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the colonel's HQ.

In response to the 5000 crown reward placed on my head, I announce a 10,000 crown reward for the head of whoever attempts to collect the 5000 crowns. However, in the light of reality, I suggest you have as much a chance of collecting 10,000 crowns from me as you have in collecting 5000 crowns FOR me. Put your time and effort to better use, anywhere far from me!

The Pleasureboat got what any spy gets...dead

Oberon, captain of the Excogitate Soliloquy.

So, you think the journal entires are boring! So do I! But for 25 gold, nobles have been known to do just about anything. How creative is a review of what others have written? Hopefully there will never be pay for "critics", but I surmise that they would get the 25 gold too, or was that 30 pieces of silver.

Let's look at what's going on here in Olympia. The AOO appears to have lied to some of its own members. It appears that if you are a full fledged "member", male or otherwise, of the AOO, the end justifies the means. Those of your membership who are peaceful, have been forced to break off contact with other factions for fear of being implicated in your deceptions.

Over and over the olive branch has been extended to be brushed away or hacked off. The patience of many wears thin. Is your intent to cause nothing but strife? Do you honestly think anyone believes the "garrison" lies. Sure, "I'll respect you in the morning", "the gold piece is in the mail pouch".

This will not be over soon, and that is sad, because the exploration and discovery available would be of much greater interest.

Gonzo Greybeard

The time has come to settle down for a while. Study and practice at arms is progressing apace. The first tower went up remarkably easy.

Due to lack of subscribers, the Journal of the Schola Enigma has been discontinued. Subscribers would get their money back, except there weren't any.

[Imperial Navy: Day 1, Waning Days, Year 2]

WARNING to all seamen and shipping companies: The Atnos channel seems to be even more dangerous than previously reported. Several seaworthy ships, including the belated Wee Lassie, sailed out of the Imperial City shipyards under full crew, only to be seen some turns later abandoned by the shore in the Emperor's forest. There was no hint of what had happened to its crew (though scavangers on the shore were quick to reposses the ship).

The Wee Lassie is not unique in this respect, and several nasty rumors are circulating the docks of nearby ports. The most common such rumor mentions a sea-serpent which is preying on any "intrepid" adventurers and their crew. It seems that this serpent lurks deep under the channel, and ventures to the surface only during foggy days, when it can surface unnoticed. An expendition is now being assembled to deal with this new threat to all shipping.

The current advice issued to all coastal units is not to venture out during foggy days [which will be particularly common during "Dark night"]


Let it be known, that Kang the Conqueror and SuperAdaptoid hereby declare war on the Pilgrim's Aid Society. This war is declared because of the Pilgrim's Aid Society's blatant disregard for the land claim of Mr Kang and Mr Super. The insult of being left from the land claim list can not be tolerated!!!!!

Death to the Pilgrim's Aid Society

Kang the Conqueror SuperAdaptoid

Address correction: Faction py4 "The Clan with No Name" in fact lives at jeremy@insignia.co.uk, please stop mailing jeremy@inisgnia.co.uk, and tell me where they teach the typing subskill: Hitting_keys_in_the_right_order.

__ __ / /\______________________________________________________________/ /\ \_\/ \_\/ | ##### | |# # ## ##### ###### #### | |# # # # # # | |# #### # # # ##### #### | |# # ###### # # # | |# # # # # # # # | | ##### # # # ###### #### | | | | | | Are *You* trying to piece together a map of the gateways? | | | | Do *You* have a reading on a gateway, but not enough time | | to get a full fix? | | | | Do *You* want help? | | | |<--------------------------------------------------------------->| | | | The Gatemasters are here to help *You*. | | | | Here is how it works. We have already located five gateways | | and are rapidly pinning down another four. We want to help | | you help us. Send us in your gate readings and we will send | | you back other information we have that will help you to | | pin point the gateway. If you can pinpoint a gateway that | | we have not, then you get to become a full Gatemaster will | | access to all the gate information we have. | | | | Why do we do it this way? Well there is a large effort that | | must be made in locating gates, and we don't think it's fair | | that people free-load. So long as you are actively trying | | to locate new gateways, you will continue to get help. | | essentially people get out what they put it. We work this | | way to encourage people to put in. | | | | Interested? Send mail to q4y. | _| _| / /\______________________________________________________________/ /\ \_\/ \_\/

Unconfirmed Rumor #76 - If you plant the magic beans sold in Cyrkarth or Hornmar ("USE 263") a route to Cloudlands ("MOVE UP") will appear one week later and last until the end of the following month. Tell them Jack sent you.

=>Attention Sorceror Class Wizards<=

The Wizards Guild wishes to announce the opening of their latest franchised collegium, the Cannabis Incanabula, in the quiet heart of the City of the Dead. Looking for those rare books, precious alchemical components or exotic magical devices? Look no further! We stock only the finest goods, available to you for the finest prices.

Faux the Necromancer was very annoyed. Things definitely were not going as planned. The Moonplague guy was not interested in being found, and all of his diligent searching had located only several cleared graveyards and rude notes concerning his mental prowess. This would not do! It was hard work snooping around looking for trouble. Perhaps he should persue another plan until this Moonplague fellow was located.

Perhaps research would be more to his liking. He could build a tower and research the spell that should give him cash to further his ends. It was obvious that the spell existed, and several groups of nobles were using it to great effect. From his examination of the AOO, he concluded that their success derived solely from his desired spell, and Faux felt he could use it with almost equal effect. Yes, it was clear. He must research the Spell "Act increadably bombastic and annoying for gold"

Except for people running in all directions, area of Gentlewind is very quiet. No combats, just people doing their studying, same as a few turns ago. Still, I go back to the IC, before Rover is grease-spot. Some BIG lots of people running around Gentlewind.

The Rover bow wow

Diary of a nervous traveller. Part two.

Walk, walk, walk. Was there never any ending to walking? Maybe Mirage, his lord had intended him to walk himself to death. Jurij shuddered. Well he would show that Mirage!

He was surprised nothing had happened. No attacks. And he had avoided becoming harpyfood. No traitors had attacked him from behind. (Not in the front either.) He had walked peacefully to Gentlewind.

There he had found a kind looking (beware of those) elderly man who thaught him the skills of a miner. The man had talked much about the dangers of a miner. Poisonous gases, collapsing mines and what not. Jurij had listened intenly when such dangers were the subject. Maybe that was the evil plan of Mirage? To bury him alive in a poisonous mine? And even to make him build the mine himself! (The evilness of Mirage seemed to be beyond any limitations. He had to be stopped.)

Then Jurij walked west again. Walk walk walk walk. Now he was in the Emperors Forrest. A lot of nobles here. Better beware! One of them, a Sir Robin The Brave seemed to be especially dangerous. He had with him two other nobles and a lot of other people. Sir Robin the Brave? He looked Sir Robin the Not so brave to Juij, travelling as he did with an entourage of helpers. But better not tell him.

Jurij had more important things on his mind. He must uncover the plans of the evil Mirage. To do so Jurij had to fool Mirage into beleving he trusted him. So, back to the Imperial City.

Jurij Paranoiev stood up. He went west.

An internal struggle between family members has left my father dead. My uncle, heavily implicated in his death, is the acting king of these lands. Worse, rumors are my mother is having *relations* with him.

I have been deeply upset by this set of circumstances and can not think clearly. Fearing for my life I'm asking any and all nobles to assist me in overthrowing my evil uncle.

Interested nobles should contact [hml8].

We of the Atalan League claim the small land of Atala as our domain. We occupy the port city of Coinbalth and have found no other coastal cities after circumnavigating the entire island. We humbly request that others respect our land claim.

Thank you,

Wurun Ravuk [x1y] The Atalan League

FOR SALE IN THE IMPERIAL CITY: The Legendary Golden Helmet of Mambrino, which provides the bearer and additional 100 points of defense; the potent sword Excaliber (Attack +75), freshly drawn from a stone in Camelot; and the infamous Sling of David (+35 missile). Each and any of these fantastic articles of war can be purchased for a mere 2500 gold each. Contact The Merchant of Venice [x9j] in the Imperial City for more information.


BOB: Well, Doug, here we are in Faery!

DOUG: Yeah, Bob, wouldja look at all those trees!

BOB: Boy, we could set up quite a logging operation here, couldn't we?

DOUG: Yeah! Hey, you don't think that the elves will mind do you? I've heard that the Faery Hunt is pretty tough.

BOB: Hunt, schmunt! I can't see nobody for miles. There's nothin' here but trees. I bet the elves are all gone the Grey Panthers or somethin'.

DOUG: Okay, let 'er rip! [FX Sound of chainsaws, trees falling]

DOUG: Hey, that's odd, I thought I saw that tree moving...

We gathered around the witch as she cast her bowl of bones onto floor. She stared at them for what seemed an eternity but could only have been five minutes. Finally she spoke in low voice.

"Drums will beat in the eastern mountains. Rats, wolves and harpies will leave their dens in the midst of winter. Fierce men will roam the forests. Savage men will roam the plains. Evil men will defile the sacred mountain.

"No, this is not a good time to go adventuring. Stay in the Imperial City or risk doom."

As I stand on the deck of my new ship, I wonder where to go. Should I pay a visit to Angus McAttle, the proprietor of the Mellow Yellow Pub? But then I notice that in spite of two invitations to visit, the proprietor has yet to publish the exact location of Yellowleaf and/or his pub. Perhaps he's allied with those shipcaptains who offer a reward for avenging piracy but neglect to say how to collect it. Far better to return to Mysa and enjoy the freedom. At least I know where that is.

Dear Fellow Nobles of Olympia,

The scars of quarrying are a blemish on the fair face of Provincia. Worse, these blemishes are in furtherance of the monstrosities called castles at Mt. Olympus, Gentlewind, and elsewhere. Can not our great Emperor institute a tax on quarrying to pay for restoring the environment after the quarry is no longer in use?

Would that we could, in good conscience, recommend that these monstrosities be leveled. Unfortunately, that preferred course would undoubtedly cause a high level of bloodshed. At the minimum, however, our great Emperor should institute architectural standards for all future construction. Included should be standards for sanitary engineering. The stench at these unartistic new piles of stone is overwhelming, and sure to lead to plague and disaster.

To the questioner about the Pleasureboat affair. The Pleasureboat was carrying a single noble and crew, all unarmed except for their personal weapons. It's reported mission was the peaceful exploration of the coastal waters of Rimmon. The Ex...Sol... pirates have responded also, and continue to claim the Pleasureboat as a "prize". Those are the words of a Pirate, not a Noble. You be the judge...

By the way, how was it to know that Rimmon is quickly becoming the home of thieves, rogues, and pirates? I guess that the rumors of the deserts of Rimmon holding penal colonies of the great Tollusian cities are true.

As always, Tollus welcomes peaceful expansion, and the first drink is on the house.

The Mellow Yellow Pub [y77], outside of Yellowleaf on the scenic western coast of Tollus. Angus McAttle [b60], proprietor.

Overheard in by26 outside the barracks of the 4th Armoured Thunderboxes, edited by courtesy of the ****ing Imperial Censor:

Grunge the Flatulent: 'orright you 'orrible lot! I want a volunteer for a dangerous mission...(long silence)...'orright, we'll do it the 'ard way. All those ****ing 'oity-toity nobles who 'ave ****** and ****** and exactly ****** gold... one pace forward...quick...march! James Hook: Sah! Grunge: Right Hook, you see that guy Percy over there...yeah, the one coming this way with all the pets... James Hook: Sah! Grunge:...well you give me your wallet for safekeeping... James Hook: Sah! Grunge:...and you wait for him in this 'ere castle Nukeschweinhound... James Hook: Sah! Grunge:...while we hightail it, I mean, go and get reinforcements... James Hook: Sah! Grunge:...and when 'e gets here, tell 'im what an archole he is... James Hook: Sah! Grunge:...and Hook... James Hook: Sah! Grunge:...it's been a pleasure serving with you, but don't come back. James Hook: Goodbye sir...or is it...au revoir?? (short silence as Grunge regards this strangely intellectual cretin) Grunge: No Hook, it's not.

(a short time later)

James Hook: Nice doggie! Don't eat me! AAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!

IMPERIAL CITY (OP) - The action OOW vs Trillion ended suddenly today. on the intervention of the judge. He summarized thus:

"It appears that nobody has EVER claimed that Miyuki had affairs. In Olympian jurisprudence, an 'affair' is defined as 'a relationship which inter alia is (a) consummated; and (b) continues for an elapsed time of not less than one hour'. In the first case, not even Miyuki has denied that she consummates relationships. As for the second, the definition fails because, as we all know - ahem, as the court knows from common knowledge - Miyuki averages well over 24 relationships per day. Therefore it is jurisprudentially (albeit not statistically) unsound to consider Miyuki's relationships to be affairs.

Case dismissed. Atnerks save the Emperor!"

Miyuki is considering appealing to her many admirers. It is not known if these appeals have anything to do with the law, let alone the judgement.

Uncle, Last month we were witness to a great battle between a group of nobles and a Chimera. It was most impressive and they did not even have to kill it but rather convinced it to join them on their quest. It was rather disturbing to see 4 groups of orcs and a band of thieves appear out of hiding. If anyone would like to dispose of these foul vermin they can be found in bw27. As always we are being careful and have gained some followers. It can be dangerous here in the east but there is so much to explore. Till next time. Sol

Dear Diary,

Well, our captain has stopped muttering (at least for awhile). This morning he heard rumour of a city on western Drucartan with a usable port. Since then he's had this frightful gleam in his eye as he spends all his time looking at navigation charts and watching the tide.

Personally, I don't see anything but rocky cliffs -- I don't see how there can a city anywhere near here. I hope we return to our original plan and make for Torba Bacor or West Camaris instead.

Til later, Johnny Appleseed [j9j]

Gentlemen, Gentlemen ... Some of you have been saying who would pay 130 or 150 gold for a pikeman. Remember that it takes both a peasant and wood to make one!. What is the cost of wood in the IC? Somewhere over 100 gold! It also takes 5 man days to make the pikeman.

1 - Recruit peasant 2 - Collect wood (or buy it) 3 - Make a pike from the wood 4 - Train soldier 4 - Finally train a pikeman

Now, those outside the IC can get wood for perhaps 60 to 70 gold. I charge 10 gold per man day of work. Assuming wood costs 60 gold then you have my new price structure. Pikemen are available for only 110 gold each! If you supply the peasant or the wood they're only 75 gold. If you supply both wood and peasant then your price is 50 gold! Contact Rachet Storm at m7s.pbm.com for more details! (RCOMBER@delphi.com)

Here's a simple test to see if you are a Power Gamer. Read the following passage, attributed to Gengis Khan (Jenhiz Khan, if you prefer):

A man's greatest work is to break his enemies, to drive them before him, to take from them all the things that have been theirs, to hear the weeping of those who cherished them, to take their horses between his knees and to press in his arms the most desirable of their women.

If you are now experiencing heart palpitations, elevated pulse, clenched fists and/or teeth, sweating, quick & shallow breathing, or you now have a woodie, you may be a Power Gamer. Drink two bottles of Draino and call me in the morning.

Dr. Roleplay

Excerpts from "Notes on Olympian Continents":

Tollus is a land of swamps and dense forests. Being one of the major continents near Provinia, it is already over populated. One of the few advantages is it seems to have few dangerous creatures. I am very glad I found the gate back to Provinia.

The Imperial City Logging Corporation is open for business. Contact mmwang@mv.us.adobe.com if you wish to place an order for wood.

Slain Noble Sighted in Eastern Provinia!

Elvis, Dogmatix spotted in Diner Confab

@Silver City, Pr: Rumors are flying here, following the sighting of the legendary rock star and Olympia's most famous kamakazi aviator canine in a Denny's restaurant on Las Vegas Boulevard in downtown Silver City.

No photographs were taken at the time of the meeting, but Ova Gundarsson, the waitress who reportedly served the two, presented this reporter with a charge slip to Presley's Platinum American Express card. At the bottom of the slip there is the cryptic inscription, in what appears to be the King's hand, reading "Thank you, ma'am."

The Denny's has been jammed ever since the report got out that the two had an early breakfast here, at approximately 3:30 a.m. Tuesday. "We've not been able to keep the sauce for the country scramble in stock," said Ken McClain, manager of the restaurant, referring to the meal reportedly consumed by the King. "The import ban on orc oil has meant that we have had to rely on the ingredients we have on hand, and than ran out by Wednesday morning."

Elvis (rqn1) and Dogmatix (c3c) were reported to be "very chummy" in their meeting, although observers were somewhat offput by the demeanor of the recently-killed canine. "He had this sort of terrible fixed stare," reported one alleged eyewitness. "He was talking with Elvis real friendly-like, but the whole time he was staring into space and carving the inititals 'BTADOA' into the table with the steak knife."

A Denny's spokesman dismissed the rumour. "One of our steak knives could never cut into the surface of our tables. That's preposterous. I know that that's true, because we make our country-fried steaks out of old tables when they become too coated with spilled food to hold the plates still."

Calvin Trillion, out rooting for truffles in the Atnosian Forest, could not be reached for comment. Dr. Bert Feng, a noted parapsychologist, said that the sightings of Elvis and Dogmatix merely reflected an Olympian need for heroes. "In these days, we haff become too jaded and hopeless. Ze chilt in us vishes to zee men uff great stature, so even if zey are known to be dead unt buried, ve prochect zem into zee grreat unconscious uff zee folklore." Dr. Feng's accent continued to worsen, rendering the rest of his two hours of commentary unintelligible. A spokesman at the institute for unintelligible commentary called this a "great victory for unintelligble commentary and a speedy greeble taken off firelane."

Elvis, having left the building, was unavaialable for comment.

An even dozen men sat around the fire, the low-burning flames casting reddish light across their features. The discussion had ranged for hours, as every last detail of the planned attack had been hammered out and compared to every possible outcome. Dawn was not far away when the final details were settled.

The group's current leader rubbed out the map he had scratched in the dirt between his feet as the final arrangement of the attack was set up. "One last time. We need to be sure this is what we want to do. Once we start out on this attack, our options will be limited. And we are still not absolutely sure they are a threat."

The grey-cloaked man shook his head. "One last time. They have not bothered us yet, but they do not know we are here. We _know_ they have gone bandit before. It is only a matter of time before they stumble across one of us, and show their true colors again. And we all know what happened last time. In truth, it is a simple question. We can deal with them now, at a time and a place of our choosing, or we can deal with them later, when we may not have the advantage."

The leader looked around the circle of nobles. "Any objections? Questions?" Silence answered him. "Then it is settled. At first light, we begin to move." His hand dropped to the hilt of the rune-inscribed blade at his side. "And by last light, this matter will be settled."

Dearest Miyuki,

I think of you day and night as I wait to be with you again. But I am glad because our search is coming to an end. We have found a land which looks habitable and are assessing it to see if it is suitable for colonization. If it is, our journey is done and I will start planning for my return to you.

- Kovaq'nu

Wow! There are an awful lot of budding despots cropping up everywhere, arent there? What shall the vast majority of us do for (or to) this small minority of Sadaam Hussein imitators laying claim to valuable lands that were never theirs to begin with?

He had wandered the Strangleroot Forest, the Stony Plain, and climbed The Dragonrock. But he didn't know what to expect next. One group is stumbling around looking for the yew groves that are so numerous that only a blind man could miss them. Another group claims to be involved in a "police action" although he could not remember anyone inviting them in the months he had been here. "Tyrants always claim to be 'invited'," he said to his men. "It eases their conscience but fools no one." Perhaps he would soon need to contact the more peaceful sounding group looking for yew. Yew groves he could tell them of but they are guarded by giant birds and lizards. He also had other valuable information about the lands of Torba Bacor. If the "police action" turned ugly, he would need allies. He looked down at a yellowed copy of the Olympia Times he had kept these many months. Were these people the "Blood Brothers of the Bay" or "The East Olympia Company" that had made such bold land claims in the second month of the era? He resented the thought of being called a trespasser or being asked to leave the land he had walked on first. He turned back towards the city. He would need to sleep on it. But he wouldn't leave without a fight.

As Morthain walked in the dark, demonic city, a small, simply dressed girl came to him.

"Are you Morthain of the Wanderer? A woman asked me to give you this." The young girl smiled sweetly.

Morthain opened and read the letter:

Dear Morthain,

I left this message with a small girl who helped me try to escape. If you receive this I failed and am still in His grip. I overheard Him say we are to go through a gate of some kind. I fear I shall never see you again.

Your love,


South, south we sailed, into ever colder climes. Menaced by drifting icebergs, attacked by killer polar bears, eventually the ice closed in around our ship and we could proceed no further. Then the long overland trek over the ice, everyone started losing 1 health point per week, 2 characters got sick and died. Finally, the ultimate limit of the map came in sight, but instead of ending, we found a giant chasm leading down into the earth. Climbing down, we found ourselves on the inside of the hollow earth! Has anyone found any gates to this region? We have no desire to walk home. Contact Edgar [q7f]. Meanwhile, a whole new world to explore!