<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN">
<HTML><HEAD>
<META http-equiv=Content-Type content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1">
<META content="MSHTML 6.00.2800.1400" name=GENERATOR>
<STYLE></STYLE>
</HEAD>
<BODY bgColor=#ffffff background=""><FONT face=Arial size=2>First off, my
apologies - it should have been done a couple of months ago, but it's been a bit
hectic. Enjoy!<BR><BR>-Rathflaed<BR><BR>Rathflaed DuNoir<BR>The Black Bard
of Meridies, MSoB<BR>http://www.chivalry.com/blackbard/<BR><BR> <BR>TROY –
The Storybook Version<BR>by Rathflaed DuNoir<BR>The Black Bard of Meridies,
MsoB<BR>mka: Stephen R. Melvin<BR><BR> Oh see Paris. He is
pretty. Pretty, pretty, pretty. The girls all think that he's quite a hunk. Oh
see Helen. She is also very pretty, but not as pretty as Paris. She thinks that
Paris is just dreamy. He thinks that she is pretty special too. In fact, he
thinks that she is so special, that he decides to steal her from her husband,
Menelaus. Menelaus is very mad. Mad, mad, mad. <BR> Oh see the
Greeks. They are sailing in 1,000 boats. Sail, Greeks, sail. Are they sailing on
a trip around the world? No, they are not sailing on a trip around the world.
Are they sailing to Styx music? No but some of them may be sailing to cross the
River Styx. That's called foreshadowing and it's eerie. Eerie, eerie, eerie.
<BR> Oh see Achilles. The girls think that he is dreamy, too.
Dreamy, dreamy, dreamy. He wants to be the first to land so he can get fame and
glory. His mom told him that he would die if he went to Troy, but he went
anyway. When he was a baby, she dipped him in the river Styx and made him almost
invulnerable. Except for his Achilles heel which is his weak spot. How ironic.
His weak spot has the same name he does. <BR>Achilles rushes ashore with his
Myrmidions and slays all of the priests of Apollo's temple. The Trojans get
really mad. Mad, mad, mad! They vow vengeance! Vow, Trojans, vow! When the rest
of the Greeks get to the beaches, they set up camp. The next day Paris offers to
fight a Greek champion to settle the whole thing. But when Menelaus comes
forward, Paris wimps out. Wimpy, Paris, wimpy. <BR> Oh see
Hector. The girls think that he is cute, but not as cute as Achilles or Paris.
He is Paris' brother and gives Paris a hard time about wimping out of the fight,
so Paris agrees to fight Menelaus. Stupid, Paris, stupid. Menelaus is bigger,
badder, and better than Paris. Paris almost gets killed, but Aphrodite whisks
him away to safety. Whisk, goddess, whisk. Hector has to save him and is almost
killed, but Ares disguises himself as a Trojan and comes to help him out.
Clever, Ares, clever. Things go really good for the Trojans until Athena helps
Diomedes wound Ares, and he has to take off. See Ares run. Run, Ares,
run.<BR> Oh see Ajax. He is such a great warrior that they
named a kitchen cleaner after him. I don't know what kitchen cleaner has to do
with fighting, but I'm sure that it makes sense to the marketing people. Hector
and Ajax duel, but they end up being good friends after the heralds call the
battle on account of night. <BR> See Achilles. He is
sulking. Sulk, Achilles, sulk. He is upset with Menelaus who took Achilles'
prizes after the first attack. He says that he's going to take his toys and go
home. Sulk, Achilles, sulk. Patroclus asks if he can wear Achilles' armor and go
out to play with the Trojans in it. Achilles says yes he can, so Patroclus puts
on the armor and goes out to fight. Fight, fight, fight! Hector kills Patroclus
but thinks that he has killed Achilles and takes the armor. He puts it on.
Doesn't he look dashing? Dash, dash, dash! Now, more of the girls will think
he's dreamy. Ooh, Hector, ooh!<BR> Oh see Achilles. He is mad.
Mad, mad, mad! He is upset that his best friend Patroclus was slain. And he lost
Achilles' best set of armor. Now Achilles' mom has to ask Hephastus to make more
armor for him. Hephastus does and he wears it into battle. Now he looks groovy.
Achilles mom tells him not to lose it this time and that makes him mad. Mad,
mad, mad! (He sure gets mad a lot doesn't he?) Brood, Achilles,
brood.<BR> Oh see the Greeks. They are frightened. Are they
afraid of Hector? No, they are not afraid of Hector. Are they afraid of
Poseidon? No, but he would be a good person to be afraid of. Especially for
Odysseus. Are they afraid of Achilles? Yes, they are afraid of Achilles. He is
so mad that he chases Hector around the city 3 times and then slays Hector. That
makes Hector's father sad. Sad, sad, sad. Plus, Achilles takes Hector's body
away to the Greek camp. There is much rejoicing over the defeat of Hector. There
is feasting and dancing and drinking. Hector's dad sneaks into the Greek camp
and asks for Hector's body back. He gets it and they go home. It looks like the
battle is a stalemate.<BR> Oh see the Greeks. They are
hammering and nailing and sawing. They are banging and cutting and carving. Are
they building a treehouse? No, they are not building a treehouse? Are they
building a boat? No, silly! They already have 1,000 boats – that's how they got
here. They are building a giant rabbit – I mean a badger – I mean a horsey. The
horsey will be big enough for some Greeks to fit inside and surprise the
Trojans. Hooray! I love surprises! <BR> Oh see the Greeks.
They are leaving. Are they defeated? Are they running away? No, they are
tricking the Trojans. Tricky, Greeks, tricky. Some of them are waiting for the
Trojans to take the rabbit – I mean – horsey into the city. When the Trojans go
to sleep, they will jump out and yell “Surprise!” just like the girl in the cake
at that party...<BR> See the Trojans. They are looking at the
horsey. Paris doesn't want to bring it inside, but everyone thinks he's a wimp
and so the Trojans take it inside anyway. The Trojans think that the badger – I
mean horsey – is a gift for Apollo and that the Greeks have left. The Trojans
start to party. Drink, Trojans, drink! They party late into the
night.<BR> Oh see the Greeks. They are quiet. Quiet, quiet,
quiet. They are waiting for the Trojans to go to sleep. When the Trojans do,
they don't jump out of the horsey and yell, “Surprise!” like they are supposed
to. Instead, they sneak over to the door and let their friends in. Silly
Trojans! They weren't expecting that. They should have read ahead! During the
battle, Achilles is killed by a spear through his ankle. Poor Achilles. His mom
did tell him what would happen, though. It's all fun and games until someone
loses an eye. Hopefully, Odysseus will remember that in the next book. That's
more eerie foreshadowing. Eerie, eerie, eerie. Some of the Trojans get away but
they're never heard from again. And the Greeks burned the city to the ground.
Burn, Troy, burn.<BR><BR>The End<BR><BR>31 July 2004</FONT></BODY></HTML>