minstrel: Song lyrics I'm trying to find

[Derek Brown]

Here are all the lyrics I know.  The plot of the song is about a man who 
takes his son to a pub, finds out the son already has been drinking, and 
decides to break him of the habit by getting him as sick as can be from the 
experience, which of course doesn't work.  The humor of the song is that if 
they skip a pub by accident, they have to start all over.

So here it is....with the blank spots where I couldn't make the words out 
from the tape.  And yes I know it is long and not actually period, but it 
is just a great tune for a firepit bardic song, I'm hoping for the best 
here.  I do know that some of the problem I'm having with the song is it 
makes references to British beers and pubs and so I don't know exactly what 
is correct.  As far as the singers go on the tape I had, there were British 
sounding.

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I was eighteen when me dad first took me to the pub,
And I've never ever seen him quite so mad.
"A pint of your usual, sir," the barman said,
but he was asking me not dad.

Now at seventeen the appetite will sicken and so die,
I'll not long have a boozer for a son.
They say there's twenty-seven pubs from here to Axletop,
And tonight you'll have a pint in every one.

We kicked off at The Majestic.......
...	was scared what he might catch,
We didn't mean to set on fire........
But dad was always careless with his match,
Heads.


	[Chorus]
	............................
	We caused a right in The Queen
	But I was a'right .....sad Dad,
	We should have had a nip in The Blue Lion and The Griffin,
	So we'll have to go back down and start again.
	
	We should have had a nip in The Blue Lion and The Griffin,
	So we'll go back down and do the march again.

We thought we make a start with a quite game of darts,
Before we got a bit too far.
But we were slinging arrows in the  ........
................public bar.

There were arrows in the ceiling, there were arrows in the walls,
There were arrows in the barmaid's thigh.
'Till a very ugly landlord with a very ugly club,
Suggested we should go forth and (multiply?)

Broken glasses they were counting as we slipped out of The Foundtain,
.....still in hot pursuit.
..........................
But when the silly bugger criticized his suit.

And we were walking on our knees by the time we reached The ...............
But I was al'right ......  said Dan,
Like it lad or lump it, we have missed The Horse and Trumpet,
So we'll have to go back down and start again.

	We should have had a nip in The Blue Lion and The Griffin,
	Like it lad or lump it we have missed The Horse and Trumpet,
	So we'll go back down and do the march again.

Just then we chanced to meet a young lady of the street,
And lord she (did she have some lovely wares?)  to sell.
Unfortunately, dad was somewhat sick (upon a dog?)
But after fourteen pints he wasn't feeling well.

As he searched for his ... found the dog underneath,
Jumped back and knocked the poor woman flat.
And I .....pickled eggs and peas tonight,
But I can't remember eating that.

Well, The Station and The Junction then both showed us no compunction
When they threw us in the street upon our ears.
We'd all sorts .....
And we have The Wickem landlord close to tears.

...........
..........staggered into Lister's
.....we forgot....and
So we'll have to go back down and start again.

	We should have had a nip in The Blue Lion and The Griffin,
	Like it lad or lump it we have missed The Horse and Trumpet,
	.....we forgot.....and......
	So we'll go back down and do the march again.

The dad pinched a bulldozer so that we could rid in style,
But he flattened three police cars straight away.
His driving wasn't polished, and in no time he demolished,
.......Chinese take away.

As the Chinaman with his trumpet chased us up to Challow street,
His nearness to me necktie wasn't nice.
When me breathe began to steady, he were mad enough already,
Did you have to order curried ....... and rice.

We had Whitman's, we had Webster's, we Hammon's, we had Hayes' (?)
We had John Smith's and Sam Smith's too
We were right bloody gluttons with some old B.J. by Duttons (?),
And ......... both red and blue.

We had .........
But I was al'right...said Dad.
We've missed out .....we've not had a drop of Tetley's
So we'll have to go back down and start again.

	We should have had a nip in The Blue Lion and The Griffin,
	Like it lad or lump it we have missed The Horse and Trumpet,
	.....we forgot.....and......
	We've missed out ...... we've not had a drop of Tetley's,
	So we'll go back down and do the march again.

The police with a van cleared the Old City Band,
The landlord and his wife and kids as well.
The Forester's was quiet, there was not a sign of riot,
For the customers were all inside the cells.

There were specials running up the street and firemen running down,
Troops and tanks were standing by at Axletop.
Some nuns who came to pray for peace just stayed to sober up the priest,
Who got so drunk he tried to kiss a cop.

There was still a hue and cry in both The Woodsman and Red Lion,
And the craven (?) had to try to bar the door.
We'd thought we might ......, we'd another in The Trumpet,
So we thought we'd better have one to be sure.

As we fell through the doors, on all fours at Merryshore's
But I was al'right...said Dad.
You can have a little rest, now you're halfway through the test,
So we'll have to go back down and start again.

	We should have had a nip in The Blue Lion and The Griffin,
	Like it lad or lump it we have missed The Horse and Trumpet,
	.....we forgot.....and......
	We've missed out ...... we've not had a drop of Tetley's,
	You can have a little rest, now you're halfway through the test,
	So we'll go back down and do the march again.