minstrel: New Piece

Stephen Melvin rathflaed at hotmail.com
Sat Aug 25 04:32:07 PDT 2001

My apologies to those who have seen this on another list.  It is a new piece 
and I wanted to make it available to you all.  Feel free to crosspost - 
please give credit.  Thanks!


1066 - The Storybook Version
	By Rathflaed DuNoir
	The Black Bard of Meridies, MSoB
	mka: Stephen R. Melvin

O see Duke William.  He is from Normandy. Normandy is in France where they 
have wine and cheese and surrender all the time.  But Duke William was alive 
a long, long time ago before the French started surrendering to everyone.

Duke William is partying with the other Normans.  Party, party, party.  They 
are singing and dancing and drinking.  Drink, Normans, drink. Why are the 
Normans partying?  Is it because it is Duke William’s birthday? No, it is 
not because it is Duke William’s birthday.  Is it because it is a holiday? 
No, it is not because it is a holiday. Is it because they have just won the 
world checkers championship? No, although that would be a good reason to 
party.  It is because they are bored. Bored, bored, bored.  And that’s what 
Normans do when they get bored. Drink, Normans, drink.

One of Duke William’s men has a great idea!  Think, Norman, think! “Hey 
Bill!”, he says, “Let’s go pick on some Saxons!”  Duke William thinks this 
is a smashing idea.  Smash, smash, smash!  He likes it so much that they get 
the boats ready right away.

O see the Normans.  They are not partying any more.  They are sailing.  Are 
they sailing in a race?  No, they are not sailing in a race. Are they 
sailing on a cruise? No, they are not sailing on a cruise.  They are sailing 
to pick on some Saxons.  Mangy, flea-bitten, yucky Saxons.  The Saxons live 
in England where they have bland cooking and lots of internal rivalry.  Not 
much has changed.

See the coast of England.  It is white.  In the distance, you can hear the 
Saxons singing their war songs.  [Optional: insert Efen’s “I’m a Saxon...”]  
Sing, Saxons, sing.

O see the Saxons.  They are hairy and dirty and carry really big spears.  
They are very happy. Happy, happy, happy.  Why are they happy?  Is it 
because the Normans are coming to play?  No, it is not because the Normans 
are coming to play.  Is it because they have just won the world checkers 
championship? No, it is not because they have just won the world checkers 
championship.  Is it because  they have just watched the Women’s World 
Jell-O Wrestling Championship?  No, but that would be a good reason to be 
happy.  It is because they have just won a battle.  Now they are ready to 
win another one.

O see King Harold.  He is arguing.  Argue, argue, argue. He is arguing with 
Duke William.  He has called Duke William some nasty names in Saxon.  Duke 
William has called King Harold some nasty names, too.  Duke William wants 
King Harold’s throne.  Silly Norman.  He doesn’t know about the British 
cooking yet.  Silly, silly, silly.

O see the armies.  They are ready to fight. Fight, fight, fight.  They are 
shouting and singing and banging on their shields.  Wouldn’t it be fun to be 
a Norman or a Saxon and get to bang on your shield?  Fun, fun, fun.

O see the pipers.  Blow, pipers, blow.  They are out of tune.  It figures.

See the armies charge at each other.  See them hack and slash and rip and 
tear and mangle each other.  See them parry and thrust and beat and poke and 
stab each other.  Banging on shields is more fun than that.  Even if they 
did have to listen to the pipers.

See the armies.  They are tired. Tired, tired, tired.  They have been 
fighting all day with no time-outs and the pipers are still playing.  It 
figures. Blow, pipers, blow.  The Normans are running away.  King Harold 
says, “Wait!” but the Saxons follow anyway and leave him all alone.  Silly 
Saxons.  The Normans are tricking them.  Tricky Normans, tricky.  When they 
chase the Normans, the Normans run around behind and trap them.  And they 
shoot King Harold in the eye.  So William got Harold’s crown after all and 
had to eat the British cooking.  And King William had to listen to the 
bagpipes. Blow, pipers, blow.

11 Sep 98

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