minstrel: New Piece
rathflaed at hotmail.com
Sat Aug 25 04:32:07 PDT 2001
My apologies to those who have seen this on another list. It is a new piece
and I wanted to make it available to you all. Feel free to crosspost -
please give credit. Thanks!
1066 - The Storybook Version
By Rathflaed DuNoir
The Black Bard of Meridies, MSoB
mka: Stephen R. Melvin
O see Duke William. He is from Normandy. Normandy is in France where they
have wine and cheese and surrender all the time. But Duke William was alive
a long, long time ago before the French started surrendering to everyone.
Duke William is partying with the other Normans. Party, party, party. They
are singing and dancing and drinking. Drink, Normans, drink. Why are the
Normans partying? Is it because it is Duke Williams birthday? No, it is
not because it is Duke Williams birthday. Is it because it is a holiday?
No, it is not because it is a holiday. Is it because they have just won the
world checkers championship? No, although that would be a good reason to
party. It is because they are bored. Bored, bored, bored. And thats what
Normans do when they get bored. Drink, Normans, drink.
One of Duke Williams men has a great idea! Think, Norman, think! Hey
Bill!, he says, Lets go pick on some Saxons! Duke William thinks this
is a smashing idea. Smash, smash, smash! He likes it so much that they get
the boats ready right away.
O see the Normans. They are not partying any more. They are sailing. Are
they sailing in a race? No, they are not sailing in a race. Are they
sailing on a cruise? No, they are not sailing on a cruise. They are sailing
to pick on some Saxons. Mangy, flea-bitten, yucky Saxons. The Saxons live
in England where they have bland cooking and lots of internal rivalry. Not
much has changed.
See the coast of England. It is white. In the distance, you can hear the
Saxons singing their war songs. [Optional: insert Efens Im a Saxon...]
Sing, Saxons, sing.
O see the Saxons. They are hairy and dirty and carry really big spears.
They are very happy. Happy, happy, happy. Why are they happy? Is it
because the Normans are coming to play? No, it is not because the Normans
are coming to play. Is it because they have just won the world checkers
championship? No, it is not because they have just won the world checkers
championship. Is it because they have just watched the Womens World
Jell-O Wrestling Championship? No, but that would be a good reason to be
happy. It is because they have just won a battle. Now they are ready to
win another one.
O see King Harold. He is arguing. Argue, argue, argue. He is arguing with
Duke William. He has called Duke William some nasty names in Saxon. Duke
William has called King Harold some nasty names, too. Duke William wants
King Harolds throne. Silly Norman. He doesnt know about the British
cooking yet. Silly, silly, silly.
O see the armies. They are ready to fight. Fight, fight, fight. They are
shouting and singing and banging on their shields. Wouldnt it be fun to be
a Norman or a Saxon and get to bang on your shield? Fun, fun, fun.
O see the pipers. Blow, pipers, blow. They are out of tune. It figures.
See the armies charge at each other. See them hack and slash and rip and
tear and mangle each other. See them parry and thrust and beat and poke and
stab each other. Banging on shields is more fun than that. Even if they
did have to listen to the pipers.
See the armies. They are tired. Tired, tired, tired. They have been
fighting all day with no time-outs and the pipers are still playing. It
figures. Blow, pipers, blow. The Normans are running away. King Harold
says, Wait! but the Saxons follow anyway and leave him all alone. Silly
Saxons. The Normans are tricking them. Tricky Normans, tricky. When they
chase the Normans, the Normans run around behind and trap them. And they
shoot King Harold in the eye. So William got Harolds crown after all and
had to eat the British cooking. And King William had to listen to the
bagpipes. Blow, pipers, blow.
11 Sep 98
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