minstrel: Beating Bodhrans

Edwin Hewitt brogoose at pe.net
Sat Jun 21 10:58:19 PDT 1997

>This came to me from Brenden 
>Here's some Bodhran humor I snagged offa 
>Something there is about a bodhrán that prompts an irresistible urge 
>to humor. All musicians tell jokes about each other, but bodhrán jokes 
>are different:
>When someone tells a guitarist joke, people laugh.
>When someone tells a bodhrán-player joke, people nod in solemn 
>Fellow walks into a pub in Belfast with a plastic bag under his arms. 
>The bartender asks "What's that?"
>"Six pounds of semtex", he answers.
>"Thanks be to Jaysus; I thought it was a bodhrán!"
>     (Courtesy of Tommy Hayes)
>Then there was the bodhran player who remembered that he had left his 
>bodhrán in his unlocked car. Rushing back, he opened his car door to 
>find two more bodhráns in the back seat.
>     (Courtesy of Scott Kellar)
>A bodhran player was sick of the band abusing him, and decided to 
>start his own. He walked into a music shop, planning to buy the first 
>instruments he saw.  "Give me the red saxophone and that accordion!", 
>he said.
>The assistant said, "You play the bodhran, don't you?"
>"That's right. Why?"
>"Well, the fire exinguisher I can sell you - but the radiator stays.
>     (Courtesy of Ben Knight)
>What do you call a groupie who hangs around annoying session 
>musicians?      A bodhrán player.
>What is the difference between a bodhrán player and a terrorist? 
>     Terrorists have sympathisers.
>What do bodhrán players use for birth control?      Their 
>How do you know when there is a bodhrán player at your front door ? 
> The knocking gets faster and faster and faster...
>Why do bodhrán players find it difficult to enter a room ?    They 
>never know when to come in.
>What's the difference between a bodhrán and a trampoline?   You take 
>off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
>Bodhrán care is simple... Rub gently with lighter fluid and ignite.
>     (provided by Ed Dale; attributed to Seán O'Riada)
>Then of course there was the fiddle player who, while visiting the 
>local pub, was asked for a dollar to help pay for the funeral of a 
>local bodhrán player.
>"Here's two dollars;" he says "bury another."
>     (courtesy [if that's the right word] of Ed Dale)
>What is the difference between a dead bodhran player lying in the road 
>and and a dead rabbit lying in the road?
>The rabbit might have been on it's way to a gig.
>Is a bodhrán-player a musician?
>Is a barnacle a ship?
>     (courtesy of Paul Nicolaides)
>Why is a bodhran player like a foot massage?
>A foot massage bucks up the feet, whereas...
>     (courtesy of Bernard Argent, on IRTRAD-L)
>What do you call a bodhrán player with a broken wrist?
>A huge improvement.
>     (courtesy of John Birtwistle, on IRTRAD-L, attributed to the 
>Chippenham session)
>What have a bodhrán player and a sperm got in common?
>One chance in a million of ever becoming a human being!
>     (courtesy of Beverley Whelan, on IRTRAD-L, attributed to the 
>Inverkeilor session)
>Define an optimist.
>A bodhrán player with a beeper.
>How is pre-mature ejaculation like a bodhrán solo?
>You know perfectly well what's about to happen, but you can't do a 
>thing about it.
>     (courtesy of Tommy Hayes)
>What's the difference between a bodhran player and a drum machine?
>You only have to punch the rhythm into the drum machine once.
>     (donated by Chris Pitts)
>Why do men make better bodhran players than women?
>Because they have already mastered the wrist movement.
>     (posted on rec.music.celtic by Tracy Reith)
>CUSTOMER: I'd like to buy a guitar, please.
>SHOP ASSISTANT: You're a bodhran player, aren't you?
>CUSTOMER: How did you know that?
>SHOP ASSISTANT: This is a fish and chip shop.
Full-time Idealist, Part-time Realist.

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