minstrel: Hole in the Wall

Ed Hopkins Ed.Hopkins at MCI.Com
Mon Jun 9 10:59:00 PDT 1997

Lord Efenwealt Wystle writes:
> I am busy collecting lyrics for a tape/CD of SCA dances. If anyone has 
> lyrics to any popular SCA dances, I would appreciate them. I can't give 
> you much of anything in return except credit, and a copy of the tape (if 
> it ever gets made). It will probably be a non-profit thing or a 
> fundraiser for some worthy cause (besides my well-being).
> Some dances I am particularly interested in are:
> > Gathering Peasecods
> > Rufty Tufty
> > Hole in the Wall
> > Jenny Pluck Pears
> > Horses Bransle
> > Peas Bransle
> > Female Sailor (besides the xmas carol)
> > Sellinger's Round
> > Official Bransle (besides the xmas carol)
> even the
> > Maltese Bransle
> So far, I've got the "Belle Qui" Pavanne, Nonesuch, and Greg has given 
> me a few good sources (like Playford and some period broadsides.) So 
> what I really need is words, not more sources.
> Please send responses directly to me, as I don't subscribe to this list 
> (only post and read the archives now and then.)

I do not deserve any credit for the following, since it was not
written by me but rather by Master Bertram of Bearington of BMDL
in AEthelmearc.  Can I still get a copy of the tape, for bringing
it to your attention?

My recollection of the song may well differ from Bertram's version.

The blanks ("__________") in the song indicate where Bertram just
hummed, or was very indistinct at any rate.  Perhaps if you contact
him directly he can supply the missing words.

  HOLE IN THE HEAD by Bertram of Bearington

  Sung to the tune of "Hole in the Wall" 

  If a la-dy or lord takes the path of rattan sword
  Once they put some armor on they find out
  That their pulse it will quicken and their skin it will thicken
  Once they put their helms on their brains fall out!
    How else can you ex-plain
    Their curious behavior
    When they pick up a stick and prance about?
  Looking like they have, had a few
  'Cause they've lowered their I.Q.,
  Once they put a helm on their brains fall out! 

  If a lord takes a journey, wins his kingdom's Crown Tourney,
  Once he's done with the finals he'll find out,
  Though his body is tired, more will soon be required,
  Once he puts the Crown on his brains fall out!
    Classic case of the "stupies,"
    Kings and all of their "groupies,"
    Leave "ladies in waiting" to find out
  That he's not a Plant-a-genet,
  Rather more of a space cadet,
  Once he puts the crown on his brains fall out! 

  If a lady gets going in the habit of sewing
  Once she's done with her outfit she'll find out,
  That she surely will look fine if it's got a low neckline,
  Once she puts the gown on her __________ fall out!
    And, one plus I should mention,
    Every male pays attention,
    It can be fun to see their eyes bug out...
  Lords simply watch and wait
  (Pairs beat a flush or a straight!)
  Once she puts the gown on her __________ fall out! 

  If a gentle gets knighted, is his lady delighted?
  Friends, I pray listen closely, please don't scoff,
  For knight's ladies have oft felt, with his chain and his white belt,
  Once he puts his spurs on his __________ fall off!
    Knights must think it's exciting,
    Trading sex in for fighting,
    Or at least that's the tale they spread about.
  But I doubt its ver-acity,
  Knowing knightly cap-acity,
  When it's time for romance their spurs fall off! 

Is this the kind of thing you're looking for, Efen?

-- Alfredo

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