minstrel: Fwd: Opinions on Skaldic
mbaker at rapp.com
Wed Jan 15 10:23:00 PST 1997
Thoron, I will defer to Mikal Hrapsfa for most of the technical competence
of your construct.
I *will* note that the combination you have used is not unpleasing to the
ear or eye.
> I am in the process of finishing an epic poem, and I would like some
> on it. I want to re-create the feel of Viking poetry in English, which is
> usually difficult due to the intricate rules of most Norse verse forms
> were apparently easier to do in Old Norse than they are in English). What
> I've come up with is sort of a mix of anglo-saxon (alliterative) form
> rhyme scheme. I'm interested to know what people think of the form, how
> close it is in "feel" to old norse verse, etc. The epic is called "Doom
> the Draugr" and revolves around the norse legends of Draugr-- people who
> come back from the dead. Here is the first section (please remember it's
> rough draft!). Thanks for any comments you might have!
> Thoron Ravenoak, Caid
<begin block quote>
Thunder rolled over Towering mountains.
Sky-ships releasing Shadowy fountains.
Walking the hill road Washed by the cloud-tears
Strode ugly Trogr Shaper of fears.
Crafter of ill-wyrd Called by cursed names.
Many suspected Murder his passion
Always unproven After the fashion.
Now was he grumbling North of the Hoy fells
Plotting his evil, Planning his spells.
Then as he came to Edge of Tor Ness cliff
Where the rocks moaned And winds were stiff,
Sudden a dark hand From shadows stabbing
Red Trogr flailing Futily grabbing--
Terror he screamed, Thrashing, he fell
Driven at long last Down to cold Hel!
<end block quote>
I think you might do well to include more deliberate kennings, or even some
E.G.: consider "Thor's cart rolled over", as the sound of the thunder-god's
chariot wheels was believed to be the source of thunder.
You might also work for more alliteration by phrase:
"Then as he came to Tor Ness' edged cliff"
"Foul Trogr flailing Futilely grabbing "
I'd suggest "Winds were corpse-stiff" to eliminate the intrusive "And" in
addition to further driving home the sense of doom & destruction.
spelling quibble: Futilely (although your form makes the pronunciation
Kihe Blackeagle (the Dreamsinger Bard) s.k.a. Amr ibn Majid al-Bakri
currently residing in Barony of the Steppes, Kingdom of Ansteorra
Mike C. Baker mbaker at rapp.com
Any opinions expressed are obviously my own unless explicitly stated
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