minstrel: Re: Need some critique

[J. Michael Shew]

	Well I promised to have a second draft for you all.
Here is the second re-write, using a lot of the suggestions
I got.
	For example, I used a more rhythmic system for the
lines, adding sylables or beats where needed.  This forced
some changes in the tune I am working on, but you were
right.  It needed a lot of polish before I would hand it out
or perform it.
	The chorus has a "hidden" construction similar to the
verses, but I did not use the line-breaks or any other
trick.  The verses are indicative of the gifts given by
Bridgit, according to the mythos.  (poetry, forestry, fire,
carpentry, children, song, plowing, mourning, mead, and
magic, to name a few.  She must have been a busy goddess!)

`	I also include an alternative final verse, to perform
for me.  I also prefer not to do a "them-vs-us" song on
religions.  But I suspect the other gentle who wanted this
written will prefer the Patrican period chorus.

	Feel free to comment.  I like having a few editors
around to keep me on track!

   Bridgit

 The hum of the harpstrings   The hush of the trees
 The raging of fire   The rhythm of toil
 The sob of a child    The song of the wind
 The tune of the plow   As it turns up the soil

    (Chorus)

 And these are the dances we see on the downs:
 The flower that sleeps to rise up in spring
 Winter to summer, summer to winter
 We pray to the goddess we see them again


 The clamour of children   The keening at death
 The sleep of babies   The smelting of ore
 The snow on the peaks    The sowing of seed
 The mead from the hive   And remembrance of lore

 (Chorus)

 High up on the waste-downs   There in the distance
 She who is watching   the teacher, the wright
 The holly and hedge   That hallows her fire
 As bright as the sun   And as strong as the night


 (chorus)

(alternate final lines)

A: (Pre-Patrick)
Praise to the craftsman  The poet his cup
Welcome the hero   And honor to the King
But here on the downs   Her fire and dance
Sing to the Giver    For the gifts that she brings

B: (Patrican period)
There in the cities   In fine stone cathedrals
They sing for the Christ   The god who is king
But here on the downs   Her fire and dance
Bridgit the Giver    And the gifts that she brings

 (chorus)


	Further commentary?
	Mikal Hrafspa


____________________________________________________________________________
    Mikal the Ram; an annoying Bard of no redeeming qualities
__________________________(jshewkc at pei.edu)________________________________
	That he is bright, let no man boast
	But take good heed of his tounge
	The silent sage , will seldom need grief
	They are honored here in the hall
	A friend more faithful, you will never find
	Than a shrewd head on your shoulders
			The Hamaval  (translation mine)



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