minstrel: Re: Need some critique

[Katherine Penney]

Text item: 

     Hi.
     
     Are you attempting to recreate a specific style/period?
     
     This lyric structure and subject appear to be quite modern.
     
     I do not understand the motivation behind the last verse, surely 
     Christ is as perennial as Bridgit...
     
     Someone could just have easily written
     
     There in the cities   In the cathedrals
     They sing for the Christ   who is coming again 
     But here in the meadow   We mind her fire
     And mourn the time    When our people were slain
   

Just my $.02,

Constance




______________________________ Reply Separator _________________________________
Subject: minstrel: Re: Need some critique
Author:  owner-minstrel at rt.com at SMTPGATE
Date:    1/10/97 9:35 AM


     I have been writing a little piece on commission for another SCA
member.  I would like someone to critique it for me.  Feel free:
     
     Bridgit
The hum of the harpstrings   The hush of the trees 
The raging of fire   The rythum of toil
The sob of a child    The song of the wind
The pace of the plow   As it turns up the soil
     
     (Chorus)
These are the cycles we see in the meadow 
The flower that withers to rise up in spring 
Winter to summer and summer to winter
We pray to the goddess we see them again
     
The clamour of children   The keening of widows 
The slumber of babies   The smelting of ore
The sowing of seed    The snow on the mountains 
The mead from the honey    The magic of lore
     
(Chorus)
     
There in the distance   High on the downs 
The circle of hedges   That hallows her fane 
She who is watching   the mother, the maker 
Bright as the sun    and Brigit her name
     
(chorus)
     
There in the cities   In the cathedrals
They sing for the Christ   The god who was slain 
But here in the meadow   We mind her fire
And wait for the time    When she triumphs again
     
(chours)
     
     So.  How is it?
     Mikal Hrafspa
     
____________________________________________________________________________
    Mikal the Ram; an annoying Bard of no redeeming qualities
__________________________(jshewkc at pei.edu)________________________________
     That he is bright, let no man boast
     But take good heed of his tounge
     The silent sage , will seldom need grief 
     They are honored here in the hall
     A friend more faithful, you will never find 
     Than a shrewd head on your shoulders
               The Hamaval  (translation mine)
     
     
     
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Subject: minstrel: Re: Need some critique
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Date: Fri, 10 Jan 1997 09:35:17 -0600 (CST)
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