Honor and ABCB...

[Mike Baker]

>From the pen of Kathleen (mary k cummings) came to us
> I finished this a couple of weeks ago, but have yet to sing it.  The
> instances cited actually occured.  Wish I could say otherwise.

Such is often our plight as bards in the SCA.  Keep on teachin'!

Rather than quote the entire piece, I will only repeat segments where I have 
some comment.

>    Alas, I found
>      To my regret
>    The stories were not true...

I might have used "tales were not all true" instead, leaving the possibility 
that at least *some* of the stories held validity.

Also, many / most of your stanzas appear to be more couplet than quatrain. 
 This is not a condemnation, merely and purely an observation.

> One day I stayed around to see
> The fighters on the field
> I watched as they paired one and one
> In armour, sword and shield

Vaguely uncomfortable here.  Perhaps a slight re-phrasing, more indicative 
of the implied action?  ( I will offer "sword 'gainst shield")

> The swan went down amid the frey

(spellynge) fray

>    The scarf you wear
>      Across your chest
>    Might be of purest white...

If the intent is a general admonition, this works well.  If a *specific* 
target is planned,
"(s)he wore across (her)his chest" might be more direct.

Query: were two separate tournaments being described, or only one?

>    If honor means
>      Nothing at all
>    To those named by our Peers...
>    What does that leave
>      For such as I
>    But dreams that drown in tears...

Viscious. To the point. And very nearly perfect as a satire of the honorless 
miscreant who would thus sully the baldric of Mastery.

> The indented lines are, of course, visual representations of the musical
> shifts within the song.  They are in actuality verses like the others in
> form, if the indentation is removed.

A curious but useful construct, as well suited to this medium as several 
alternatives I've seen used the past few years.

> Anyway.  There it is.  Whatch'all think?

<f/x: TongueBulgingCheek> Very nice.

Even better if the (neatly un-named) miscreant gets the message, or any 
other audience is moved to avoid such ignominious behavior.

Kihe Blackeagle (the Dreamsinger Bard)  s.k.a. Amr ibn Majid al-Bakri 
al-Amra
     currently residing in Barony of the Steppes, Kingdom of Ansteorra
Mike C. Baker                      mbaker at rapp.com
Any opinions expressed are obviously my own unless explicitly stated 
otherwise!